There isn’t much I want to write about today but there are a few thoughts I’d like to share…
I’m so excited that, for the first time ever, I’m taking my babe to a romantic weekend away. I never could afford it before, and he’s always surprising me (I LOVE surprises!!) and being very nice to me, so I thought now is my turn to be lovely to him. I’m taking him to a small Island in the south-east coast of Queensland.
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Last night I couldn’t sleep much :( I’ve been so addicted to a few bloggs that I’ve been reading, and they are so inspiring, that I kept waking up, but kinda of being half asleep, thinking of these bloggs and what I could write to make mine more interesting… I love reading and amusing myself with some excellent bloggs that are out there.
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I spoke to my mum last night and she sounded much better. I haven’t told you this yet but she’s been depressed for two years now, I think. But she had always been up and down. In the last three to four weeks though, she was absolutely shit!!! I mean, she was crying pretty much everyday, talking nonsense, very depressed. For me it’s very hard as I live a few continents away from her, and I can’t help her much. It’s strange, and very bloody difficult to see (hear, I mean) her that way. She’s always been my strength, my balance, she always encouraged me and took care of me. And now she is so lonely, fragile, weak, depressed!!!
She wants to come over to stay with me for a while. But I don’t think it’s a good idea, as she doesn’t speak a word in English, and she’d feel even lonelier here, as I have to go to the ‘glamorous’ work everyday (as in week day).
It’s a different thing here compare to home. There she is in her own habitat, and even though she hasn’t been that great, at least there are people there that she can talk to. I guess I say these things to myself to make me feel better. I hope you don’t think I’m a selfish bitch who prefers to leave her mother suffering instead of sacrificing her freedom. Am I that bitch??? Am I really doing that to preserve my freedom??? Well, I don’t actually think so. I love mum more than anyone else in this world. She’s my hero and I’m doing this for her own good. But where was I going with this blog again??
Ah!!! I remember now… I was saying that I spoke to her and she sounded much better. A good friend of hers (who lives in another city), came over to visit mum. I think that’s why she is happier. Think all mum wants now is a bit of attention and companionship. So good on her friend who can bring mum this happiness. I actually ask mum just before I was saying good-bye, “please be happy like that for a while. I’m proud of you and I love the sound of your happy voice. I missed this. Please be well and happy again.” Sigh!!! I’m suffering with this…
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1 comment:
I know that you could never be selfish when it comes to your mum. I think you're absolutely right that coming here wouldn't make things much better for her. You can still give her support and love by being there for her, even if it's not physically there. But being supportive and mentally there for her is just as important. I know it's hard. But you're doing well.
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