I'm sooo excited!!!

This coming weekend is a long weekend in Australia as on Monday, the 11th is a public holiday celebrating the Queen’s Birthday (I don’t think it’s her birthday, but that’s how the holiday is called…don’t ask, I don’t have a bloody Queen!! Couldn’t care less…). Every State is on holiday except Western Australia…poor people!! That might be because they don’t give a rat’s to the Queen, just like myself. But at least I get the day off, hee hee hee…

Anyway, I’m going aawwwwaaaayyyy!!!!!!!!! HORRAY!!!!!! Come on people, be excited for me!!! I’m going to Stanthorpe, the coolest place in Queensland. I can’t wait!!! Stanthorpe is also Queensland’s wine capital.

I’m going with three other girlfriends, and I reckon we’ll have a blast. Drink heaps, heaps and heaps of wine, eat like pigs, visit nice places, freeze our butt’s off and have a good laugh.

The plan is wineries and lavender farms visits (how beautiful that must be??), maybe some bush walking in the National Park and some very posh dining. It’s also going to be interesting as this adventures team consists of a talkative Brazilian (myself), a black Malaysian (I love calling her black!! She hates it!! hee hee hee), an exhausted Swiss after 500 hundred hours of work and exams, and a lovely Peruvian. It’s definitely going to be a good mix of positive energy and backgrounds.

I’ve been counting the days for this trip. I’m very excited for the driving (as I selected myself to be the designated driver – very democratic!!!), as it is one of my favourite things to do in this whole world. I’m also very excited for the cold weather. I know it’s a bit weird, but it’s nice to do something different sometimes. And I’m never in places that cold. Just picture me around the wood fire, with the other gals drinking a beautiful and yummy wine having a joint…ops!!!! Did I say that???? Please ignore it, that’s meant to be censured…I’m gonna have FUN-AHN!!!!

In another note, I just have to ask you one thing. Have you ever cried because you love someone soooooo much and you’re soooooo happy because that person is yours??? I thought so!!! So have I…

Have a fabulous long weekend people.

Not you Western Australians...



Aahh dear, I’m in a good mood today...

Beijos people.

The Dream

I had a dream last night that I’d like to understand. I always believed that dreams have meanings, and they illustrate something that you’ve been thinking of, or something that has been sitting somewhere in the back of you mind…

But before I tell you about the dream, I just have to share some background information. My mind in the last 10 months ish has been quite busy worrying about things that have been happening in Brazil, as in, with my family and stuff. I’ve mentioned here (can’t remember the post) that mum has had depression, and as she is the most important person in my life (along side – a touch ahead - with my babe), this worries me heaps.

After two years going through that hell, she seems to be better now. Mum had always been a strong woman, the balance and strength of the family. When she ‘fell’, I feel that the whole family went down with her… soon after she got depressed, my parents separated, my granddad passed away, my brother’s girlfriend fell pregnant unexpectedly, and now, to make everything better (yeah, right!), my brother and his partner decided to barely speak to my mum, and ignore her as much as possible. I find this ironic, considering my brother and his girlfriend pretty much lived at my parents’ place 24/7 before all that happened. Every time I used to go home for holidays, she was there, as part of the family. I have nothing against her, and we kinda get along well. But what upsets me is the fact that mum always, always did EVERYTHING for her, and always made sure my brother and her were well together, and since she’s had the baby, she moved out of my parents’ place and moved back to her parents’ with the baby. Her and my brother have been ignoring mum, not turning up for gatherings at mum’s place, being rude to mum in the phone etc.

So, if you can get the picture, I’m sure you’d sympathise with mum. She’s a super mum!!! I really feel sorry for her, after everything she’s done for my brother and myself, she’s been totally neglected. I know there are things she could do to make her life better and more independent, but I still think that nothing justifies the way my brother has been treating her. I don’t want to be here either judging him nor criticising his behaviour. I’m just so disappointed that mum has been feeling really lonely and neglected by her son, and she’s very hurtful that he’s has changed so much into someone so distant and careless toward her.

Now, the dream!!! Mum and I were paid to stand on the top of a tree. This tree was soooo high, sooo high that the view from the top, where we were, was the same as of the one from a flying airplane. You know when you’re up there in the sky and you can see the tiny, tiny, little houses??? (Don’t ask him why we got paid to do that or why we agreed to do something sooo scary. It was a dream for God’s sake!!). So, I’m a up there, standing on this tiny tree branch and mum is on another one next to me. I remember being sooooo scared, and even through my sleep I could feel the fear in my stomach. My biggest fear was of mum falling of the tree rather than myself. I couldn’t handle that anymore and I told mum we had to leave, and she calmly said: “Let’s get back inside.” I didn’t even know there was an inside, but I was glad when we got there, and I felt safe.

I woke up still feeling afraid and unprotected. I’ve been feeling very confused with this whole weird situation happening back in Brazil. I love my mum, more than anything in this whole world. But I also love my brother. I’m also very proud of the man he has become in terms of his professional life. He’s very intelligent, competent, responsible and hard working. I’m also sure he’s a wonderful father. But I’m sooo disappointed with how he’s has become this man without feelings, so stubborn and so angry at life. Actually, that’s how I feel at the moment; he has been angry at life. I wish he’d talk to mum, talk to me!!! But he chooses to be rude, yell and say I know nothing about anything. I REALLY don’t want to judge him, or say his all wrong!! He’s been trough a lot, I’m sure. But he’s hard to reach, and all I can think of at the moment is this whole mess happening at home and I’m here.

I need to go…home!!!

Man, I must be bored!!!!

Here I go again... I found this site from someone's blog and I love it!! I'm addicted now...

It has all those stupid tests that you can do when you have nothing else better... (that's me!!!!!)

Your Birthdate: March 4

You have an extraordinary character - moral, responsible, and disciplined. Your sincerely and honesty shine through in almost every situation. Driven and focused, you rarely let your emotions get the better of you. You're level headed and rational. People count on your to look at things objectively. Your strength: Your unwavering loyalty and ethics Your weakness: Your rock solid stubbornness Your power color: Navy blue Your power symbol: Shield

I don't entirely agree with this. A few things are really true, like
"You have an extraordinary character - moral, responsible, and disciplined" and "You're level headed and rational. People count on your to look at things objectively".

Not sure about "Your weakness: Your rock solid stubbornness"... me stubborn??? NO WAY!!!!!!!! But honestly, I reckon I'm not stubborn, I just have a strong personality. I'm very happy to change my mind if someone convinces me that my point isn't all the right... this is just a difficult task, that's all ;-)

Have a fabulous day!!

Beijos!!

Loser test...

... I reckon I've got nothing better to do with my life





Click in the icon to try it out yourself...

Beijos!!!

I’m not Indian!!!

I think people in Australia struggle to understand that. For them, if you have olive (black) skin and dark hair, you’re Indian. I reckon people here need to travel overseas, and see a bit more of the World out there…

Me, Indian??? I promise I have no problems with Indian people. In fact, most of my dearest friends in Australian are Indian. I can’t wait to visit their country, learn about their culture, eat their food and everything. But I’m not Indian!!! How hard is it to see???? Brazilian people have that thing about them that you can see from miles… the tight jeans (you can’t even fart in them), the huge earrings, a bit (read a lot) of skin showing, the ‘ginga’, meaning the way you move, walk, dance etc. I reckon I have all that, but people here don’t get it. They insist on calling me Indian.

Even the Indians themselves bloody get me confused. Every 7 Eleven I enter in Brisbane, there is an Indian attendant that soon or later will flirt with me thinking I’m Indian. They come like “So, where are you from?”, or when I’m buying phone cards to call Brazil “What country are you calling to with this card?”, or straight to the point: “Are you Indian?”. For fuck sake: I’M NOT INDIAN!!!!

Now, you think I’m being a drama queen and I hate Indians more than anyone else in this whole World. I promise I have no problems whatsoever with Indians. As mentioned before, I have heaps and heaps of Indian friends. But what upsets me the most is not the fact that people get me confused with Indians, but the fact that people don’t get that I’m Brazilian. I’m a proud Brazilian, and one of the things I love the most about my culture is the Brazilian energy, the identity, is the “I can see Brazilian from miles away”... If people think I’m Indian, it means that I don’t have that Brazilian energy. And that’s what upsets me. People could get me confused with anyone other nation and I’d still feel the same way… it’s all about me not looking Brazilian, something that I’m so proud of.

I thought I might share here photos of beautiful Indian women, and there are sooo many out there, just to prove that there are no hard feelings. Enjoy it!!!!

Two weeks later….

I was interviewed by the greatest RSG, but I’ve been a bit slack so I hadn’t posted my answers till now. Also, I don’t have a computer at home that I can call my own (I know, I’m very ancient!!!), so I have to wait until I’m not that busy at work to post something…sorry!!

So, let’s go to the questions…

1. If you could trade places with any person living today, who would it be?

To be honest, I’d love to have a lot of money. I mean lots and lots of it. Who doesn’t?? So I could say that I’d love to trade places with any rich person. However, I think there is no money in the world that could by the beautiful mother I have, the most generous and charming man I have, the big, complicated and hilarious family I have, the most sincere, funny and crazy friends I have, all the experiences I’ve been through. Money helped me, for sure, to achieve many things, but I can’t give all the credit to it. I think that sometimes I nag about my life, but I have to admit I’m very grateful for everything I’ve been through and for everyone who has been with me in different steps of my journey.

Maybe I could trade places for a month with anyone who lives in Brazil so that I could visit my family…but I guess all I need to do is buy an air ticket and do it as myself…:-)

2. If you could solve one of the world's major problems, which one would it be?

I really don’t know if I’m being selfish, but I’d start with the violence and corruption in Brazil. I absolutely LOVE my country, and I’m a very proud Brazilian. Our country has great potential but it has been distracted with the civil war that has taken over our land. We have millions and millions of people starving to death, homeless, with diseases, all those sad things…but the government is still taking the money that belongs to the nation to build hospitals, schools, better roads, and investing it all in their pockets. I wish we had a government that really cared about the Brazilian people. I do believe that the violence in Brazil may have started due to the lack of care from the government towards its people. It’s all linked together…

3. What one number would you put all of your money on, if you had to, playing roulette?

I like 9 a lot. When I used to play volleyball, 9 used to be my number (in the t-shirt). I’ve always liked 9.

4. What is the first thing you notice about someone that you find attractive?

I don’t really go for looks. I think a person to be attractive needs to have “that thing”. I don’t really know what “that thing” is, but for sure some people don’t have it… I guess that is sex appeal, maybe. They gotta have a charm in the way they walk, they way they look at you, they way they express themselves…I’m attracted to a person’s energy rather than their looks. They gotta be confident and intrigue me… But can I tell you a secret??? Although I really, really don’t care for looks, my boyfriend is definitely the hottest ever. I reckon he’s a cross between my old favourite Antonio Banderas and Richard Gere. Oh boy, he’s hot…tssss…

5. What is one thing that no one really knows about you?

I’m a very honest person, you see. I try to be as transparent as possible. However, I do believe I must have little secrets that people might not know about. I can’t think of anything at the moment, but if I did, I wouldn’t tell you, would I??? It’s a secret!!!!

That is heaps of fun!!! But now I’ll go back to my journalistic side (that almost never existed!!) and ask you a few questions. If you wish to join in and play, it’s fun!! I’ll write the question below and if you like to participate, just write them in your blog with the answers…

1. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?
2. What do you most love and hate about your best friend?
3. What would you like to change for ever on you partner/ex-partner?
4. Who would you turn gay/straight for and why? (That I took from Rove McManus)
5. What makes you want to disappear?

Come on...participate...
Beijos!!!

My day started…

Not very well today.

I’m in the bus in this man in his early 40s sits right next to me. Five minutes later he says:

Man: “What I beautiful day!”

I look up to the sky through the bus window not very enthusiastic, and say:

I: “Umhhum…” but I think: “Duhhh!!! Your imbecile, we’re in Queensland, the Sunshine State!!! Every-single-day is fucking beautiful. If you’re going to use a pick up line to someone young enough to be your daughter at least use your age as an advantage and say something mature!!!” WTF???

In this same note, as in, how my day started, I had a dream with my ex-boyfriend. Don’t get excited!! It wasn’t anything juicy at all (Thank God!!!). We’re only friends. It could have been anyone else…

Back to the dream; we were having a phone conversation, him in Brazil and I was here (Australia). I was telling him how I’m soooo homesick. How I’ve been worried about things that have been happening in Brazil with my family, I miss everyone, I miss my culture, my summer, I wish I had met my nephew already, and I’m missing out on seeing him growing up etc. And he said:

He: “You’re doing all that because of a man????”

I: “Yeah, but I love him…(shit!!!). But that’s right, I’m doing all that because of man…”

What is this supposed to mean???

Today I think I’m bitter, angry, confused, impatient, sad and very, very, very FAT!!!

I hope you, out there, are having a better day…

It was Magical

A magical moment happened to me last week. I promise it isn’t exaggeration. It was bloody magical!!!

Last Wednesday was a public holiday here in Australia, so Sharon and Ash (two lovely, lovely friends!! The only problem is that she’s black hahahahahahahah. I’m sooooo NOT racist, and I’m even darker than her, but she hates when people call her black, so I do it on purpose!! Sorry, back to the story…) came to pick me up and their tiny tinny (I like this combination of words) outside my place. I know, I know, I know… very posh!!! I live right in front of the river (off the topic again…)!!!

Ok, we are in the tiny tinny going up the Brisbane River. Apparently there are sharks in this river (as well as any other place in Australia where there is water. I always look inside the toilet before sitting down, just in case… hahahhahahhahha – I’m feeling sooo funny today!! Paulinha, tell the fucking story!!!). And as you know, I’m petrified of sharks. So we’re appreciating the view, the pelicans flying and landing on the river, other boats…there are heaps of cool stuff in the Brisbane River. Every now and then we saw something very, very interesting and Ash would slow down the engine so we could talk about it. The day was going very well until we stopped again…

Ash: Oh, oh, oh, look, look, look!!!!

Sharon and I: Where, what, what, what??? (I was going WTF??? WHAT, WHAT, WHAT??? I was a bit worried/scared for a split second)

Ash: A turtle

I: (sigh) Where???

Sharon: Where???

Ash: There…

Five seconds later people, five seconds only later I see this fin and then a fucking massive, mother fucker fish merging in the water…

I: OOOWWWW MMMYYYY GOOODDDDDD!!!!!!!!!! OOWWW MY GOD!!! It’s a FREAKING FUCKING MOTHER FUCKER shark.

Then I realised it was a dolphin…

I: OOOOWWWWW MMMYYY GOOOODDDDD!!!!! It’s a cute, cute dolphin, AAAHHHHHH!!!!! It’s gonna turn the boat, it’s gonna turn the boat!!!

Ash: SHUT THE FUCK UP woman!!!! Why the fuck is he gonna do that (Ash, always soooo patient!!)??

I: I dunno, I dunno, I’m scared, I’m scared!!!

Sharon: This is beautiful, beautiful, oh my God!!

So I came down, and started to enjoy it. He even brought a little buddy with him (I’m assuming they were guys). They spent a good ten minutes around the boat keeping us company. It was sooo beautiful and magical, despite my panic attack!!!

I really couldn’t get over this for the whole day. I really never saw something so special in my life. We reckon they followed the sound of the engine, and as we were going very slowly because we were talking, they got closer… it was magical!!!

Anyway, have a look at the photos below. It was magical!!!

Random, random…random!!!

Today the bus was late. The guy with the John Lennon’s glasses, the shorts and the snickers with socks was at the bus stop. The latin-looking lady with the “I’m going to a funeral” look was there too, with the same outfit (maybe she works in a funeral service company or something…that’s it!!). In the way to work, a lady passed out in the bus!!! Man, that was scary!!! I thought she was having a seizure or something… thank God it was something small. She was conscious a few minutes later. The lady sitting right next to me had done a first aid course so she acted pretty fast. Everything happened very quickly…I was soooooo scared!!!

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I’m very, very sad about this whole shooting in America. But what pisses me of the most is the response of the American authorities on gun reforms in the USA… The NRA (The National Rifle Association) took no responsibility once again and claimed “they didn’t pull the trigger”. Ah!! Also that “guns don’t kill people, but people kill people.” WTF????

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Yesterday I had a very, very busy day at work. I arrived a bit earlier than the usual. My boss was flying out to Sydney for a meeting and she needed this document – we call it ‘the book’. It’s massive!! – ASAP. So I worked very hard to get it to her on time, and looking good. Well, as a good employee as I am, I got it done!!! Before she left, she came into my office with this yummy brownie from next door, and gave it to me. Now, tell me if she isn’t a sweetie?!?!?!? Although she didn’t need to do that, as I was only doing my job, I still valued her gesture. I think if every boss was appreciative of his/her staff, the world would be a happier place (thank God I don’t exaggerate!!!). And I am not talking about presents or yummy brownies. I’m just talking about a ‘thank you’ occasionally. Well, by being nice to me my boss gains a lawful, dedicated and very hard-working employee. I am not saying I’ll work here forever, but that she’ll have all my respect and consideration, that’s for sure!!!

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I did something yesterday that I had never done before; I went window-shopping for a ring. I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW!!! I’m looking very desperate to get married. And you can make fun of me as much as you like. But I won’t deny the fact that I can’t wait to tie the knot… wha-eh-var to you!!!
PS: I didn’t find anything that I like :(

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Today is Friday, oohhhhooo!!!!!! I have biiiggg plans for tonight. I’m stopping at a video store in the way home to grab a few fun movies. Then some alcohol (a girl needs her alcohol, specially on Friday night, hehehehehe) and go home to cook myself a yummy meal before the movie marathon starts. So far the list includes: Napoleon Dynamite, Zorro (Antonio Bandeiras is the hottest!!), maybe Pride & Prejudice and a few I’ll find in the way. Oh! I might throw a few Sopranos episodes there. I’m looking forward to it!!!

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I’ve been avoiding to call home (Brazil) for the last five days. In the last eight months, 80% of the time that I did call, I got depressed afterwards. I’m getting very sick of it. I just can’t handle this anymore…

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My car (read my babe's car) is dead!!! It's going to cost a very lousy eleven hundred dollars...bbbuuaaaaaa bbbuuuaaaaa...(that's my pocket crying!!!)

Letter to the father

“Dad,

I know you aren’t a terrible person. In fact I think you are a good guy!!! I just think you’ve forgotten to be a good son to your parents, a good husband to your (ex)wife (mum) and a good father to your kids (my brother and I).

I don’t know if I can say I hate you, because most probably I don’t. I just wish you’d listen more, and never played ‘the victim’ in every single fucking game! I wish you’d be a team player and swim in the same current to us (not sure if this metaphor makes sense…).

Why aren’t you a bit more down to earth and realise that everything you’ve built so far was together with mum. And without her, you’d have done fuck all??? Why don’t you face your responsibilities and problems instead of always saying “Don’t tell me your problems, I’ve got enough to worry about already”???

Don’t you see that all you’ve been doing your whole life is push people away from you and hurt the people who most care about you??? I’m soooo tired of being disappointed by you. I just can’t handle this anymore!!!! When the fuck are you going to grow up???

Please, note one thing. MONEY is very good, but it isn’t all!!! My brother and I would rather a stable, responsible and caring father than a rich one!!

I’m also tired of the old bullshit “I work for my kids”, because by not accepting criticism and always getting pissed off if we make any suggestions prove that you don’t mean it. Do you really???

I wish you'd also leave this stupid pride aside and get back with mum. Not because I can’t live with separated parents or she’s desperate in love with you – a) I don’t live with my parents and b) mum is better off without you – but because we all know that she’s your balance and the brain of the relationship. Without her I’m sure you’ll end up giving your money (read my inheritance) to the first little bitch you come across.

Again, I’d like to say that I don’t hate you, I just don’t see you as a father. I know we have fun together, and we laugh at each other jokes, and you’re a very pleasant person to be around…but… (sigh)!!! I wish I could figure out what you mean to me and how I feel about you…

All I can think about at the moment is that you make me sad and you make me cry…”

GET UP!!!!

It’s 7.20am and I’m getting the lift down to go to work. I walk up to the bus stop standing 50m away from me. I wait for another 5 minutes before the bus pulls over and collect a few of us passengers. Together with me, there is a guy who everyday is reading his book (I still don’t know which one that is), carrying his laptop bag on one shoulder, wearing his totally-out-of-fashion John Lennon’s sunnies, a pair of brown snickers, with grey socks and cargo shorts. The top is always short-sleeves checked shirt and the haircut is the same as the one my granddad had when he married my grandmother late 40s.

The short lady is there as well. She’s there everyday with us waiting for the bus. It’s always the three of us waiting. Sometimes we have other visitors… back to the lady. She looks very South American to me. Not really Brazilian, but she has a Venezuelan, Peruvian appearance to her. She wears the black skirt and jacket, with a black top inside – the “I’m going to a funeral” look. I wonder how she manages the Queensland heat under this outfit. She always has shit loads of make up on, a very big pair of sunglasses and very long (read ugly) fake nails. She always wears this open-back black shoes and a gold anklet. Bad, bad taste!!!

We get in the bus and that’s how my radar gets even more critical. I admit with no fear I’m a people’s watcher. I watch and observe every step, fashion sense (or non-sense) and behaviour. My favourite topic? EVERYTHING that involves people. And one thing has been in the back of my mind during my trips back and forth work. When should you stand up to give others your seat??? My mum always told me as a child to stand up for older people. Being a child, I almost didn’t have a seat, as pretty much every one taking public transport was older than me. Mum used to sit me and her lap so others could sit down.

I honestly don’t know if this was right or wrong by her, but I can’t help to agree with her, and I think the same way nowadays. I think that if you have a young child, you should make them stand up to let an adult sit down. Kids are full of energy and they don’t really do much, let’s face it. So they should either stand or maybe sit down on your lap. And I promise that it has nothing to do with them paying a cheaper fair than adults.

Also, I have to say it; adults should get up for elderly people. That’s how the cycle works. You get up for the one older than you. It drives me NUTS how everyday there is at least an older person standing in the bus while the pretty looking latest fashion queen and the bloody classy walking suit with Gucci sunnies (because that’s all they’re; an expensive look with nothing in the head!!) sit down looking pretty. Now you may ask, why don you get up??? Well, well my friend, I do every single time, when I can. But sometimes I’m right in the end of the bus and the older person is right at the front… I can’t yell out “oh, you!! Do ya wanna sit??”, can I??? But the princess and the walking suit are right there in front of the standing elderly, sitting right below the “RESERVED SEAT FOR ELDERLY PEOPLE” bloody sign, they can.

I’m sorry, but I don’t get it. Where is the respect?? Isn’t that enough that older people are already discriminated in the workplace, or neglected by their families, or struggle as it is with people trying to rip them off, they are physically disadvantages, and people still want them to stand up on the bloody bus?!?!??!?!? That, my friend, I don’t get!!!

The other day the bus was soooo packed and I spotted this guy – he wasn’t that old but just old enough to be offered a seat. He was very far from me so I couldn’t offer him the seat. And no one offered it either. As the bus was getting fuller, he kept walking towards the end of the bus and I was hoping he’d get closer to me. When he finally did, I offered him the seat and he was so appreciative of my gesture. He thanked me when I stood up, and again before I got off the bus. I was happy for that fella for having someone to offer him a bloody seat.

So think next time when you’re in a public transport, if maybe you should get up for someone who needs that seat more than you do.

Desperate hoping-to-be-housewife...

Oh dear!! It has been a while… so many things happening (or maybe things I’ve been hoping to happen) at the moment that I haven’t written a chapter in my book for a long time…

I’ve been missing a lot having this book to write whatever I feel like…so many things to say, so many thoughts mixed together, and I don’t even know where to start.

When I started writing this chapter, a-minute-and-a-half ago, I was going to write about my daily bus trip to work. This is a story that has been going through my mind for a while now, but this will have to wait for next time as I feel like writing about something else…Ok, enough!!!! Straight to the point!!!

You know when you have a great partner, a great job (not perfect, just great!!), great friends, nice home, you’ve been saving money, all these good stuff??? Yeah!!! Welcome to my world, that’s me at the moment!!! But I’ve been feeling soooo empty lately!! Kind of incomplete!!!

Marriage is a topic that has been hunting me, for some reason, for the last 6 months or so. I always wanted to get married, I always wanted the commitment, the party, the honeymoon, the new home together, and when I met my babe, I knew he was the one!!! I left Brazil when I was only a baby (excuse me, 18 is a baby!!!), and I decided to not go back to my beautiful country (full of issues nonetheless, beautiful!!!) so I could be with that amazing man I had met somewhere in a crazy bar in London.

Well, things haven’t changed there. I’m still very much in love with that man, but I just feel like I’m ready, you know??? As this marriage conversation keeps coming towards my direction, more I think that maybe it’s my turn now. I feel that it’s time to be ‘us’ instead of ‘I’ and ‘him’.

And the crazy thing is that this thought has been taking all my mind-free time. If I am not doing anything, that’s all I think about… and this is actually driving me insane, and very upset as well. Insane because I don’t want to be the pushy girlfriend, but upset because I wonder if he actually wants to marry me ever.

The thing is, I don’t want to have to ask him or push or force him to do anything. I want this to come naturally, because he chooses to, and that’s what he also wants, rather than because I said so, you know?? But we’ve been together for 6 years, what else is he waiting for?? I don’t want to wait forever, in fact I don’t want to wait for another month, even!!!

I feel that my life is on hold at this stage waiting for him to make a decision. And that, I absolutely HATE!!! I’m a girl with her own opinion and I hate depending on people. But yeah, I think that’s why I feel empty; because I’m in that stage of my life that I need to take a step forward. And I really want it to be with him. I just need to know if he wants it or not, and if it is ‘not’, I guess I’ll have to take that step forward by myself and move on. Maybe go back home??? I actually have been thinking about that for a while as well. There is no point of being away from my family and culture if I am not going to be with my babe.

Why are guys so bloody difficult and undecided??? Why do women always have to push them for them to make a move??? Why all they think about is their jobs, and that bringing money and being the provider is doing a lot??? That’s soooo annoying…. And I also hate how this chapter makes me sound like a desperate hoping-to-be-housewife…not quite housewife, but you get the picture. So…enough!!!

I think I like Valentine’s Day…

Happy belated Valentine’s Day everyone!!! I had a fabulous, fabulous day yesterday. I know heaps of people reckon that Valentine’s Day sucks. I don’t love it, but I don’t hate it either. And as I had a lovely day yesterday, I’m giving the credit to Mr Valentine…

So I just quickly tell you what happened yesterday (bullet point – I like that if you haven’t noticed, so shut up and read it!);

· Woke up, got ready and left home to go to work at the same time as usual. Took the City Cat (public transport – catamaran – that crosses the Brisbane River) instead of the bus. Because it’s such a pleasant way to get to work, everyone takes the City Cat in the morning. Result: 4 City Cats came by my stop but none actually stopped as they were absolutely full. I arrived at work an hour late. But I managed to keep myself very calm and I didn’t let it spoiled my day. I was in a bloody good mood!!!!

· As soon as I arrived at work, I had a quick chat to my lovely, lovely boss about my late arrival. She thought it was really funny. She’s great!!! Anyway, as I was in a good mood, I talked to her about changing my work title as the previous one wasn’t really make a good impression as well as I currently have better responsibilities than what the old title suggested. She nodded and gave me the thumbs up for the change. This is great, as I feel more appreciated, I’m a happier employee and I produce better… very smart move from her. And she didn’t even have to spend a buck to make me happy. Good on her for let me do it. In the same topic, I also changed my name. Oops!!! I hope it doesn’t sound too weird. Well, we both have the same name, so I suggested that I should be called Paulinha, instead of Paula. That’s a nickname given to me by family and friends, and I’d love to have people at work calling me that. She also gave me the thumbs up for that. So I created a new identity yesterday at work. The funniest thing is that I got heaps and heaps of phone calls from the staff at work asking how to pronounce it… they’ll get used to it.

· Next thing. I got a call from a very lovely lady saying that she wants to learn Portuguese (my first language). How cool is that?? I’ll get paid to chat to her a few hours a week. Extra money for me to shop!!! WORREY!!!!

· My arvo was ok. Nothing overly special. So let’s fast-forward it to dinner.

· Boyfriend, seafood pasta, Mad Fish (one of my favourite white wines), a movie, and a beautiful pair of black shoes given to me by my babe. We had such a lovely night.

Now, I’d like to say something in regards to Valentine’s Day. People bitch about it, saying that it’s too commercial. I think it’s a very fair comment. But I don’t think it has to be that way at all. I think Valentine’s Day can be a great idea. I think it’s another encouragement to people to do or make something extra special for their loved ones. I know, I know, you might say, but you can do this everyday that you want. But let’s be honest here, in this crazy world we live in nowadays, it’s a bit hard to be romantic. So, I’m glad I celebrated Valentine’s Day yesterday. And I hope to have a special day like that every year from now on.

Well, I hope you all had a special day yesterday. Happy belated Valentine’s Day

'I bitch' continues...

A moment after I posted the previous post, I thought I might have a biiiggg bitch about myself and write down 10 things that are very bad about my personality.
It should be fun (yeah, right)!!!

1. I hate my anxiety. I make plans for everything months in advance, and most of the time I can’t sleep until the occasion comes. Imagine how well I usually sleep??? My baby gets angry with me because I annoy him waiting for answers to things that won’t happen for at least three months. He thinks I’m crazy!

2. I can’t say ‘no’ to people. This is something that actually drives me crazy about my personality. I always try to please everyone, I always try to solve everyone’s problems, I always try to assure everyone is happy and looked after, and many, many times I get fucked (excuse my language!) because of it. I hate, hate, hate, hate when I change my plans to adjust with someone else’s, and they call off or they choose to do something else instead. IT DRIVES ME NUTS!!!

3. I’m a very, very neurotic person!! I don’t really know what is the best way to explain this. Just read the link and you’ll understand it!

4.I don’t think I’m stubborn, but I have a very strong personality. I’m always open for discussion but if your point isn’t too convincing, tough luck!!! It’s just that I have my beliefs and it might be hard to convince me they’re wrong. I can imagine how annoying this can be for someone who is trying to get in agreement with me…

5.Because I like to articulate my opinion, and I might do it straight to the point, heaps of people think I’m rude. They might be right, I don’t know! I just know that whenever I feel comfortable (it might be often!), I say what I think!!!

6. People say I’m fiery. Ok, I’m fiery…

7. I take everything personally. If someone is rude to me, I think it’s my fault. I never think that it might be a possibility that they are stupid people and have issues… it is a huge floor in my personality. It affects my personal and professional life.

8. I hate that I have a very weird relationship with my dad. I hate that despite my anger towards him, and the fact that I despise 85% of the things he does, I still treat him very nicely every time I speak to him. It makes me feel very weak and powerless.

9. I can talk, I can talk and I can talk. My boyfriend says that very often I keep talking around, around and never get to the point… it’s boring!!! I hate when people do that, but I do it myself :(

10. I can bitch, I can bitch and I can bitch!!! See here

That would be great if you could also write down the list of things you hate about yourself or maybe someone else… come on, have a bitch!!!

I bitch or I, bitch !?!??!?

Hi there!!! Long time no see...

Man, it has been a while since I came here to bitch about something… but funnily enough, I think I was away in the last few weeks because I was feeling soooo bitchy, but soooo bitchy that I thought I would end up frightening someone away from this blog. That is if any person in this whole world has nothing better to do than read my blog…

Anyway, I don’t know where my bitchness (the stupid Word dictionary is saying that this word doesn’t exist. My ass!!! I’m going to leave it here anyway… this is one of my main traits, it gotta exist!!) came from, but I was finding very hard to live with myself…

After going to Woodford, I think my bitchness got a bit worse. If something is bothering me, I just go “what the fuck with that shit??” or “fucking hell, I’m sick of this crap!!!” I know that’s not very nice for a lady to swear that much. And I know that I shouldn’t be using these bad words out loud for free like that. I should behave a bit more… (yeah right!!)

Another way in which my bitchness has gone very far is when it’s related to people. I’ve got this bad, bad habit of observing every single detail around me. I listen to people carefully, I observe their attitudes, their traits, floors, everything!!! And I have a great memory too!! I don’t do this in purpose. I promise it’s involuntarily. But it leads me to know people very well. I very often know what they are thinking (not exactly, but you get the picture!!) and how they would react in a particular situation. Through this process, I also get to learn their weakness (as we all have!!), and that’s when things get really ugly!!!

I don’t think I am not an accepting person. I think I’m a VERY, VERY accepting person. But maybe I lose my tolerance after a while or maybe I just get sick of pretending that people’s floors are not there…

I didn’t use to tell people what I think at all as a child. Then I grew up and started to do so. I don’t know if I do it as often as I should, maybe that’s why I choose to bitch instead.

And don’t get me wrong, I do the same with myself. I don’t actually bitch, but I make fun of myself and, most importantly, I accept when people are sarcastic at my expense. I’m talking about REAL sarcastic, not the bullshit sarcastic - “I’d like to be sarcastic but I’m too dumb to make the right joke”.
I don’t care if someone makes fun of something that I DO often, or something about my personality that is funny. But don’t come to me and make fun of something I’ve never done in my whole life though!!!

You know what?? I might just stop the bitching right here, right now and send a message to everyone who wants to hear (ops! read) what I have to say:

PEOPLE, I LOVE YOU ALL!!!! But no one, that is, no one is perfect!!!!! Everyone has their floors (I might be the one with the most down sides…). And I love to bitch about them!!!!! It makes me laugh, entertain myself, release my anger, I LOVE TO BITCH!!!

So that’s my message, that’s me!!! Take it or leave it!!! I bitch or I, bitch!?!?!

I’m no longer a virgin!

Oh my God!!! I can’t even believe that I finally went through this experience. I’ve been waiting for this for soooo many years… but last week, after I came back from Melbourne, I did it at last!!! I went camping in Woodford for a week during the Folk Festival!!! That’s right, I had never been camping before. Yeah, duh!!!! I was talking about being a camping virgin, what did you think???

Let’s leave the dirty talk aside and let me tell you about my MARVELOUS experience. Although many may have doubted that I would survive a camping experience (of course I’d survive. I’ve been trough worse shit!), I not only survived, but I had a ball!!!

Firstly I have to say that the Woodford Folk Festival has just this energy about it. It has an amazing vibe, and you really can’t feel any negativity or anger in the air. There were heaps of families participating in the Festival. The contrast in the people in that place was very interesting to watch. I saw people from different background, age, fashion styles, different everything. Although Woodford felt like a very hippie festival (and it is!!), I could tell that we were all welcomed (I am definitely NOT a hippie!!).

The Festival is set up in a way making it looking like a small town. You’ll find little restaurant, bars, a bank (it costs a bit to take money out, but it’s still helpful), stores and all sorts of things. I think I could live there! I loved it that much that I definitely could live there (please keep in mind that I’m NOT a hippie!!).

The performances were just sensational!! There were dance and arts workshops, comedy, dance performance and music, heaps of music!!!! We had from blues to batucada (drums!) and from Indian Classic music to Aboriginal style. Everything was so fantastic!! The highlight of the Festival for me was Xavier Rudd. He’s a one-man band. The guy rocked!!! He played at least three instruments at the time. He’s really talented.

I couldn’t forget the Umbilical Brother either. That’s a comedy ‘group’ (consisting of two men) that makes everyone wet themselves. They don’t talk much. Instead, they perform and make sounds with the microphone to suit their movements. Does it make any sense??? For example, if they walk, they make the sound of the shoes hitting the ground. It’s bloody hilarious!!! Not the shoes hitting the ground but the whole performance. Whatever, I’m sure you get it!!!

The other highlight of the Festival was the camping itself. It was my first time and I really enjoyed it. It gave me the feeling of freedom, non-responsibility, and stress free, you know?? I even enjoyed the cold water (there was no hot shower). It kind of didn’t bother me.

In the New Year’s Eve, we all (a few thousand people) went to the main stage that was located in the bottom of a hill. The organisers of the Festival distributed candles earlier that night. Half an hour before midnight, we all started lighting the candles. Man, you could see the light slowly spreading through that hill. The place was a bit dark already, so it helped even more to provide the perfect and beautiful mood. For three minutes we all sat there in silence (there are always those idiots who feel the necessity to scream. Fuck’em!). Man, it gives me goose bumps just remembering this moment!!!

Well, that was my New Year’s celebration. It was amazing and that’s how I hope my year will be. Not only mine but yours as well. And how was your party??? Did you lose your virginity???

Happy New Year everyone!!!!

The thing about Christmas!

In the last few days I’ve been very, very homesick. I’ve been missing my mum and my grandad the most. And I think as Christmas approaches, I miss them even more! Last night after a few failed attempts to sleep, I decided to call my mum to tell her how much I love her. Two hours later, I managed to say NOTHING!!!! I wish I could call my grandad to say I love him, but he has gone for a year and a bit now… but that’s all ok!!!

Well, I really want to use this post to say how I really feel about Christmas. And just to let you know, I’m writing this now under the influence of three pints of beer and half a bottle of wine, so I don’t know what you might read here…

Anyway, the topic is Christmas!!! I reckon that Christmas is good and bad. When I was very young, I used to LOOOOVE Christmas. Every year we used to have the party at my grandparents – our house. My mum and dad didn’t really have money to buy our own house, so I used to live with my grandparents, my uncle (mum’s brother), mum, dad and my brother. It used to be a bloody mess!!! But I always loved it!!!

My grandad was a very generous man, and I think I was his sweet heart (I don’t like to play favourites but my uncle’s favourite was my brother so I guess I can say without remorse I was my grandpa’s favourite one). Every year we used to have a fabulous HUGE Christmas party and he used to buy me heaps of cool presents. We always had a great feast, hundreds and hundreds of presents and all the relatives used to come over. Man, that used to be the highlight of my whole bloody year. My grandad was ok with money at that stage, so presents were in excess. I was very young, so I can’t deny that it was all I thought about…and after all, everyone seemed to always be having a ball as the food was great, the whole family was there and everyone got presents. That used to be the time when Christmas was bloody fantastic!!!

As the time went by, money became an issue. My grandad was having a few financial problems (as everyone always does in Brazil – a part from the corrupted politicians, which is another story). So the X-Mas parties weren’t that crowded anymore. There weren’t that many presents anymore. And being a young girl, for me that was a shock!!! All of a sudden Christmas didn’t seem to be that great anymore. And I have to say that it is too embarrassing. But that’s exactly how I felt. And I won’t ever forget the day that instead of having 40 relatives in my house for Christmas, there were only the seven of us. That was maybe one of the saddest times of my life!!! So that’s when Christmas started to suck for me…

After that year, I cried a week prior Christmas every year without stoping. I didn’t know exactly the reason for the tears. And now that I don’t care about the presents, I think that I cried not because of the lack of money to buy presents, but because I realised that the relatives that I loved so much weren’t going to spend that special night with me. I realised that Christmas wasn’t about all those presents. Christmas was about having the family together laughing together, joking about each other, having that smile in my grandad’s face because the house was full of people…

Nowadays I still feel that Christmas is kinda sad. And, even though my grandad isn’t here anymore, he still plays a HUGE part in my Christmas. But not for the present, but for the happiness he brought into my heart all the time he lived!!!!
Well, I think that’s the thing about Christmas. It’s good and bad. It’s happy and sad. It’s family and individual time. So that’s how I feel.

I miss my family sooo much, and Christmas is kinda of important to me.

Sorry about the melancholic post. But that’s the thing about Christmas…

Merry Christmas!!!!

Quick note!

Hi, hi!!! I’ve been missing sooo much sitting in a chair and spending my whole day reading blogs. Oh yeah!!!! Believe me, after I started my new job I haven’t had much time to visit you guys. I’m sorry!!!

Well, but as I was saying, I started my new job this week and it has been so much fun. I don’t think I should be giving you many details about it for a few reasons (which don’t include you, I promise!!!), but I’d like to say that so far so great!!! I love the team and the environment, and I think it’s just in the perfect industry for me. And it seems like I’ll be as busy as hell very soon, just how I like it!!! It’ll be very different to my previous ‘glamorous’ job. Wish me luck!!

But before I go, I’ll just let you know what happened in my X-Mas party in my ‘glamorous’ job last Friday, which was by coincidence my last day as well. We went to a Turkish restaurant, and the food was really yummy!!! They have belly dancing performances usually in the weekends but in this time of the year, they have it more often. Anyway, the dancer goes around picking random people to dance with her. Guess who she picked???? Of course it had to be me, huh??? But that’s ok because I can be a bit of a show off sometimes and I know that shaking my ass is one of the things I know how to do best. I’m Brazilian for God's sake!!!

In the end of the night the Director made a speech to thank me for my good effort and dedication. I was pretty touched, as it was the first time someone had a speech to thank me, and I was there for only five months!!! I also had to do a speech. It was a bit weird but as I’ve just mentioned before, I’m a bit of a ‘shower’ so I didn’t really care. I actually enjoyed it!!! In the end of the night they gave me a BEAUTIFUL orchid flower. Man, that was NICE!!!! Do you know how precious and expensive orchids are??? Anyway, even if it was cheap, I love it!!! They gave me another present and a big card, where everyone signed.

Aren’t they lovely??? God bless them… I think I deserved it after all. I’m a good employee.

Well, that’s it for me. Tomorrow is the BIG day… my partner’s admission is on!!! Thank God I won’t get drunk (yeah, right!!!).

Beijos people!!!

Today I'm feelig blah!!!

In fact, I’ve been felling blah for the last four days. Honestly, I have not a clue why the hell I feel that way.

Since my HUGE shopping spree, I’ve been feeling kinda empty… What the hell???? Shopping used to be my best therapy, and the more I spent, the happier I got. Although, in these old days, it used to be mum’s money we were shopping with, not mine!!!!

There are sooo many good things happening with me at the moment and I’m steel feeling that way. Please God, tell me how to fix this blah feeling in my heart…

I thought that maybe a useful strategy for me to feel better would be sharing with you the good things that have been happening with me lately. So here I go (bullet point is easier for me to organise my thoughts and I guess it keeps the blog dynamic, so don’t complain, shut up and like it!):

• Today is my last day at my ‘glamorous’ job. As I said a few times, the problem isn’t the place but the boring role. Anyway, my workmates have told me they were very happy to have me around and they really wish me the best. I had people calling me from the Melbourne office (people I’ve never met before but I used to work with via phone/email all the time) to wish all the best and thank me for my help and efficiency (see???? I’m a good worker!!! To you all suckers who chose not to employ me when you had the chance).

• I have a new job where I’ll start on Monday. It isn’t EXACTLY the job I’ve been dying for but I think it’ll be very challenging, busy and it’ll teach me a lot. Well, that’s what it looks like and that’s what I’m hoping for…

• I spoke to my mum last night, and for a loooooong time I hadn’t heard her voice being so lively and happy (I’ve told you before my mum has been depressed for two years). She sounded soooo great, just like in the old times!!! I’m sure she isn’t 100%, but I think she’s much, much better… I MISS her like fucking hell!!!!!!

• My boyfriend is getting admitted to become a solicitor (I’ve told you this too), after five bloody years of Law studies. Oh dear, I’m glad he has survived to this boring, long and difficult journey. I’m so proud of him and his efforts. I’m also proud of the man he is and proud of myself for hooking up with someone so beautiful, supportive (even with my shopping) and gentle!!!! Love you bebe!!!

• My future lovely father-in-law (hopefully), gave me a trip to Melbourne for X-Mas (air fares and accommodation). So babe, his dad (future father-in-law, hopefully again!!) and I are spending five days shopping, pigging our ass off, drinking and watching cricket (that isn’t really the highlight of the trip in my opinion but that’s a different story…). It should be a blast!!!

You see!?!?!?!??!?! These are all good things that have been happening in my life at the moment and I still feel very, very shitty… but why???? I feel soooo lonely even though this week I went out for dinner with a new friend, got drunk and danced Brazilian music (many may not find that as interesting as I do, but…) under the full moon. Even though my babe has been very patient with me for the last few days after I screamed at him. Even though my beautiful best friend cooked a yummy salad for me during my lunch break today. Even though all these good things are around me, I still feel blah, shitty and lonely.

AND THAT’S NOT FUCKING PMT!!!!!! Don’t say that, I know it looks like it but it can’t be because my period is coming only in two weeks time. AND THAT’S TOO MUCH FUCKING INFORMATION ALREADY!!!!

You see?!?!??!? What’s going on here??? Sorry about the shouting but I need to let it out. Please someone help me out of this shit…

I shopped till I dropped!!!

Hello everyone!! Today is Monday, and as a full-time worker, I have to say this isn’t my favourite day of the week. I hate to think that I still have 4 days ahead of me until I get two days off… :(

I had a great weekend though!!! My babe is getting admitted in the bar (I don’t know if that’s how you say this exactly. He’ll be admitted as a solicitor) in a week, and we are having a big party to celebrate. As I’m the first lady (ha!!!), I really want to look outstanding!! So that’s how my weekend became great!!!

I convinced him to come shoe shopping with me on Saturday, as I’ve already bought the dress for the admission party. There is this great outlet here in Brisbane, close to the airport with heaps of good brands with reduced price. Oh yeah!!!

He was super patient with the whole getting IN and OUT of every single bloody store, but as I know him sooooo well, he was getting very bored (and I think it’s fair enough!!!). Yeah, and I was getting very frustrated, as I wasn’t finding bloody anything. So an hour (only!!!) later, after a jacket and small little boring top, we decided to leave.

I was very, very frustrated as I usually go to this outlet with B, spend 3-5 hours shopping, and leave with at least 10 bags. But not Saturday, noooopppp!!! So I had to fix this problem. I still had the whole Sunday to be able to find this pair of shoes to go to the party.

I was determined to go back on Sunday, hopefully with my beautiful crime (ops!), shopping partner B, and sort this shit out!!!!

I was very excited after B agreed to come, and help me with my hunt to get a pair of shoes. B and I got up in the morning, put on our shopping gear (it consists of comfy shoes and easy to put on and take off clothes to easy the whole trying new outfits process) and we headed to the outlet. Man, it was FUN!!! We got there at 12pm and we had a quick bite to eat. Then the hunt started…4-and-a-half hours later (and a couple of hundred dollars less), I finally got the shoes for the admission party. But not only that!!! I got a perse (mine was old and almost black. It used to be red), pair of pants, a belt (red. Everyone NEEDS a red belt!), a red pair of shoes because I don’t have any (only two) like the ones I bought and a handbag. Ah!!! I also bought a X-Mas present for my babe’s auntie who I LOVE very much!!! B got a dress, two tops and a pair of red shoes as well. I’m telling you, girls NEED red shoes, belts, handbags. Red is THE colour!!!

My biggest excitement of the whole day though was when I got home. Babe was watching the Cricket (there is a very important competition happening here in Australia at the moment), and as soon as I arrived he asked me to see everything I had bought. And although I was feeling a bit shitty as I spent so much money, he was absolutely supportive of my shopping. He said I needed every single thing I bought and he loves the shoes I bought for his party. Man, I LOVE this man!!!! I feel so lucky that he always supports me but he still tells me when I’m wrong. I’m so lucky to have him!!!

That was my great weekend. By the time I got home, my back was so sore and I was exhausted!!! I definitely shopped till I dropped… in bed!!!!