The Dream

I had a dream last night that I’d like to understand. I always believed that dreams have meanings, and they illustrate something that you’ve been thinking of, or something that has been sitting somewhere in the back of you mind…

But before I tell you about the dream, I just have to share some background information. My mind in the last 10 months ish has been quite busy worrying about things that have been happening in Brazil, as in, with my family and stuff. I’ve mentioned here (can’t remember the post) that mum has had depression, and as she is the most important person in my life (along side – a touch ahead - with my babe), this worries me heaps.

After two years going through that hell, she seems to be better now. Mum had always been a strong woman, the balance and strength of the family. When she ‘fell’, I feel that the whole family went down with her… soon after she got depressed, my parents separated, my granddad passed away, my brother’s girlfriend fell pregnant unexpectedly, and now, to make everything better (yeah, right!), my brother and his partner decided to barely speak to my mum, and ignore her as much as possible. I find this ironic, considering my brother and his girlfriend pretty much lived at my parents’ place 24/7 before all that happened. Every time I used to go home for holidays, she was there, as part of the family. I have nothing against her, and we kinda get along well. But what upsets me is the fact that mum always, always did EVERYTHING for her, and always made sure my brother and her were well together, and since she’s had the baby, she moved out of my parents’ place and moved back to her parents’ with the baby. Her and my brother have been ignoring mum, not turning up for gatherings at mum’s place, being rude to mum in the phone etc.

So, if you can get the picture, I’m sure you’d sympathise with mum. She’s a super mum!!! I really feel sorry for her, after everything she’s done for my brother and myself, she’s been totally neglected. I know there are things she could do to make her life better and more independent, but I still think that nothing justifies the way my brother has been treating her. I don’t want to be here either judging him nor criticising his behaviour. I’m just so disappointed that mum has been feeling really lonely and neglected by her son, and she’s very hurtful that he’s has changed so much into someone so distant and careless toward her.

Now, the dream!!! Mum and I were paid to stand on the top of a tree. This tree was soooo high, sooo high that the view from the top, where we were, was the same as of the one from a flying airplane. You know when you’re up there in the sky and you can see the tiny, tiny, little houses??? (Don’t ask him why we got paid to do that or why we agreed to do something sooo scary. It was a dream for God’s sake!!). So, I’m a up there, standing on this tiny tree branch and mum is on another one next to me. I remember being sooooo scared, and even through my sleep I could feel the fear in my stomach. My biggest fear was of mum falling of the tree rather than myself. I couldn’t handle that anymore and I told mum we had to leave, and she calmly said: “Let’s get back inside.” I didn’t even know there was an inside, but I was glad when we got there, and I felt safe.

I woke up still feeling afraid and unprotected. I’ve been feeling very confused with this whole weird situation happening back in Brazil. I love my mum, more than anything in this whole world. But I also love my brother. I’m also very proud of the man he has become in terms of his professional life. He’s very intelligent, competent, responsible and hard working. I’m also sure he’s a wonderful father. But I’m sooo disappointed with how he’s has become this man without feelings, so stubborn and so angry at life. Actually, that’s how I feel at the moment; he has been angry at life. I wish he’d talk to mum, talk to me!!! But he chooses to be rude, yell and say I know nothing about anything. I REALLY don’t want to judge him, or say his all wrong!! He’s been trough a lot, I’m sure. But he’s hard to reach, and all I can think of at the moment is this whole mess happening at home and I’m here.

I need to go…home!!!