Sigh...feeling better...

I loved how I felt the whole day today!!! I reckon that spending the day yesterday, in my own company did me some good, and thank God for that!!! I woke up feeling very light, and during the whole day I had this peaceful soul inside me. I even had a few evil thoughts going through my mind (and there always are heheehehe), but I resisted it and I didn’t spread my poison at all. I just kept quiet, and had a nasty smile in the corner of my lips.

I reckon that’s healthy, though!! If I keep going in this direction, I’ll be a better person. I’ll still be a person with (strong) opinion, but I might just share it with people who can handle it, rather than every ordinary person. It’s not every-single-person in this world that can handle the truth, right?? I reckon only a few of us can, actually, just like you and me.

Anyway, lately I’ve been having an issue with a very dear, dear friend of mind. I absolutely love her, but since I came back from Australia, it feels that we argue or disagree 110% of the time we see each other, which it’s not a great figure, you may agree. Well, you might be wondering what the issue is, and I’ll tell you my friend. One of the things I hate the most is when someone says I’m lying . Because I rarely lie!!!! I’m very honest and transparent, which is one reason why I get f@cked sometimes (and I don’t mean in the physical way, unfortunately, but that’s a different story). So, because I’m these two things, I HATE when people look at me and say I’m not saying the truth. Well, if I tell you, for example, that I’m a confident or a happy girl, don’t tell me something like ‘NO, YOU ARE NOT!' Honestly, DO NOT do that!!! It drives me absolutely insane!!!

So...this friend of mind LOVES doing that. Imagine this thing, that I already hate so much, being repeated a couple of times, and different topics in the same night, many occasions we go out??? I go NUTS!!! The thing is, I really, really love her, and I reckon we are great mates, but lately, I think she’s been having trouble to hear me a bit, and she’s been concentrating on something she might want me to be or do or... I don’t fucking know!! I just hate the fact that a person that I love so much and I care so much for, gets me wrong many times. And the thing is, if a person reads this open book, they can easily tell that I’m not a liar, and I’m quite open about how I feel, sometimes waaaayyyy to open, actually. So, why I’d say something that I don’t really feel or think to a great friend?? And the point is, if I say something, that’s fine to someone to criticize it, I promise. I love constructive criticism, I swear!!! But If I say I feel this way, or I’m that way, DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT say, ‘Paula, you’re not!!! Because I’ll get very, very angry, and I’ll say back, ‘who the fuck are you again, to say that??’ Am I being rude??? But honestly, I think I’ve even written here before that I hate when people say I do something that I don’t or say I don’t feel in a way that I actually do.

And let’s say one fair thing here. Soooo many times, when I’m in trouble with myself, I overlook or hide things about me, INTENTIONALLY. I do it!! Isn’t that normal to human beings!??!!? So I do it!!! And sometimes my friends come to tell me, you’re overlooking this or that, and I agree. If I don’t want to talk about it, I’ll say it!! But don’t come to tell me that I’m overlooking something that I’m not, and still insist that I am, after I say I’m not. Because I’m very honest and transparent, as I said before, and I have no reason to lie, right?

It sounds(reads) like I’ve said too much already. I hope no one gets upset here... it’s just random feelings...sigh...I better leave now... tchau!!! heheehhhehe