I've just finished my shower, and before I could realize I was busting in tears. Very sad, I know! I hate seeing people crying, specially when the person crying is actually me! Now you ask, 'why??' Good one! I'm flying back to Australia in a day, and for the first time in 6 bloody years, I'm confused, confused and confused... ah!!! I'm also thorn apart.
Every time I come to Brazil for holidays, I always, always count the days to head back home, Australia that is. I'm always so excited that I can't barely sleep. I'm usually smiling away, singing (very badly), cheering, all those things that happy people do. Now, busting in tears is DEFINITELY a reaction that has never occurred to me before, a few days prior my trip back to Australia.
The past four weeks have been a bit hard for me. I hope I'm not exaggerating (that's what I usually do) but I've been really frustrated. This is the first time in Brazil that I actually see myself living back here. This is the first time that my friends ask me A LOT to come back. Maybe they've always done that and now it's the first time I hear it, I don't know. I just wonder though why this doubt? I really love Australia, and I have a life of my own there. But I wonder if the break up with my (ex)babe is telling me something. Maybe it's telling me that it's time to go home, to my real home, close to my family and roots.
But I'm scared of being weak, fragile, stupid, anxious by deciding to come back to live in Brazil. Also, what the hell do I do with the 6 years I lived away??? Stick it up mine??? Excuse my French, but I'm very sad and frustrated!!!! No one's fault, but what should I do??? It has been such a difficult decision, and I can't wait to arrive in Australia to see how I feel there, to see if I still belong there... ahhhhh God, I'm bloody confused!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sorry, I hope it wasn't too loud!!! But now I feel relived for sharing that with you. Thank you! OK, I gotta go because I have one more night to get on the piss here in Brazil, at least for a while, and I have to get on with it. I should be back here soon with some decisions, I hope. And some stories too.
Take care and wish me a safe flight.
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10 comments:
bonito,
great to know u finally on your way back...although u seem fairly troubled...maybe u need a piss up here to compare....c ya soon... :)
Welcome back to your blog!
Have a nice flight and don´t worry those solutions come with time, take it from somebody who is living "away" from home for 8 bloddy years, I love to bloddy, rsrs, anyway, take your time and things will get in place!
kisses.
So good to have you back, babe, I missed you so much! Don't rush your decision.... listen deep inside you and the answer is there somewhere. And remember, there are no wrong decisions. The only failure is if we don't learn from our mistakes.
You will find your way babe, I know.
Hi!
I tried to call you earlier tonight, but no one answered. I hope you had a safe flight and that everything's ok. I'm really sorry I couldn't see you before you left.
Bye,
Bruno
Ai amiga!!!!!!!!!
Odeio quando vejo vc mais baratinada do que eu!!!
Tava aqui com saudade de vc e vim ler seu blog!
Manda um emailzinho de uma frase contando como vc está!
TE AMOOOOOOOOOOO
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