Oh dear!! It has been a while… so many things happening (or maybe things I’ve been hoping to happen) at the moment that I haven’t written a chapter in my book for a long time…
I’ve been missing a lot having this book to write whatever I feel like…so many things to say, so many thoughts mixed together, and I don’t even know where to start.
When I started writing this chapter, a-minute-and-a-half ago, I was going to write about my daily bus trip to work. This is a story that has been going through my mind for a while now, but this will have to wait for next time as I feel like writing about something else…Ok, enough!!!! Straight to the point!!!
You know when you have a great partner, a great job (not perfect, just great!!), great friends, nice home, you’ve been saving money, all these good stuff??? Yeah!!! Welcome to my world, that’s me at the moment!!! But I’ve been feeling soooo empty lately!! Kind of incomplete!!!
Marriage is a topic that has been hunting me, for some reason, for the last 6 months or so. I always wanted to get married, I always wanted the commitment, the party, the honeymoon, the new home together, and when I met my babe, I knew he was the one!!! I left Brazil when I was only a baby (excuse me, 18 is a baby!!!), and I decided to not go back to my beautiful country (full of issues nonetheless, beautiful!!!) so I could be with that amazing man I had met somewhere in a crazy bar in London.
Well, things haven’t changed there. I’m still very much in love with that man, but I just feel like I’m ready, you know??? As this marriage conversation keeps coming towards my direction, more I think that maybe it’s my turn now. I feel that it’s time to be ‘us’ instead of ‘I’ and ‘him’.
And the crazy thing is that this thought has been taking all my mind-free time. If I am not doing anything, that’s all I think about… and this is actually driving me insane, and very upset as well. Insane because I don’t want to be the pushy girlfriend, but upset because I wonder if he actually wants to marry me ever.
The thing is, I don’t want to have to ask him or push or force him to do anything. I want this to come naturally, because he chooses to, and that’s what he also wants, rather than because I said so, you know?? But we’ve been together for 6 years, what else is he waiting for?? I don’t want to wait forever, in fact I don’t want to wait for another month, even!!!
I feel that my life is on hold at this stage waiting for him to make a decision. And that, I absolutely HATE!!! I’m a girl with her own opinion and I hate depending on people. But yeah, I think that’s why I feel empty; because I’m in that stage of my life that I need to take a step forward. And I really want it to be with him. I just need to know if he wants it or not, and if it is ‘not’, I guess I’ll have to take that step forward by myself and move on. Maybe go back home??? I actually have been thinking about that for a while as well. There is no point of being away from my family and culture if I am not going to be with my babe.
Why are guys so bloody difficult and undecided??? Why do women always have to push them for them to make a move??? Why all they think about is their jobs, and that bringing money and being the provider is doing a lot??? That’s soooo annoying…. And I also hate how this chapter makes me sound like a desperate hoping-to-be-housewife…not quite housewife, but you get the picture. So…enough!!!
6 comments:
Hope he doesn´t read your blog, rs
And by the way, girls are pretty much undeciced too!!
Well,
he actually doesn't read my blog at all!! I wish he did though... maybe he'd get the hint!!!
I was in a similar situation with Brad before he finally proposed. I was getting older and I felt the need for a commitment. I also wanted him to be really ready to make that commitment and not to feal like I pushed him into it.A few months before he finally proposed it got really bad and I was at the point where I had to decide if the life I had was enough if he never proposed and if not what was I going to do about it. I eventually decided that it was him who I wanted and that I would have to continue to wait. There were signs that he was getting ready to propose but time went on and he didn't and I was sure the moment had past. I was on the phone with my best friend in tears that he was never going to propose. I was broken hearted that he was still not ready but I still decided to wait for him. A few weeks later he propsed. So I guess my point is several fold, decide if you are ok if this is what your relationship will always be. KNow that you aren't alone in what you are feeling. The other thing is talk to him not about pushing him to propose now but ask if marriage is something he wants in the future. Talk about what you want and be honest but not pushy. Brad knew I wanted marriage and I knew he did eventually too and that made the waiting easier. We got married 2 weeks shy of our 6 year anniversary so trust me I know what it is to wait.
Oh Karin,
Thank you for your words! It's good to know that I not the only woman in this whole world waiting for their partner to propose. And I'm definitely planning to talk to him about it and tell him how I feel, rather than push him to do anything.
Thank you again, and I hope you and Zy are doing well!!!
Oh babe... who wouldn't want to marry you? I'll marry you if he won't. But seriously, just relax a bit about this. You're probably getting sick of me saying this, but you know I'm all into the "things that are meant to happen will happen" kind of thing. And I think we all know that you guys are meant to be together- you've gone trough a lot. So things will fall into place- they always do. Yeah, I know, I always say that. ;-)
And you know how they say "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." It's kind of tacky but it's also true. But I know you too well to know that you won't push him with this and I don't think there is any need. Just talk to him about you and him together and about the future and how you feel. I think this is really important. He might have no idea about your thougths on this.
On a different note, I'm just not traditional enough to hang around waiting for a guy to propose. Why does it always have to be the guy to propose? Maybe you should do it. Although I know you're into the princess wedding and the traditional stuff... so not really. Was just an idea. :-)
Ah B,
Thanks for that darling!!! There is no possible way that I'd propose, and you named the reason; 'princess wedding'! But I agree with what you said. And yes, I'm planning to talk to him. I'm just waiting for the right time and the courage as well. I just feel that I'm ready and I need to take that step forward in my life. And I don't want to wait forever... and sometimes he bloddy needs a big encouragement to take a step forward, I know that all right :)
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