Paulinha's open book

I feel like biting him!!!!!

2008-12-23T05:46:00.010+10:00

Man, I had such a lovely weekend with my family. It was soooo great that I couldn't even believe it was happening. I haven't lived in the same country as my brother for almost ten years, so we struggle to spend some time together. When I was in Australia, he was here. Now I'm back in Brazil, he's living in Angola. And now that he has his own family, his wife and his son, it's even harder to get organised to spend some quality time together.

So last weekend, we travelled to another state, not so far from here, where an uncle of mine lives with his wife. We travelled a couple of hours to get there, my brother, his wife, my nephew and mum. Dad was already there... it was fabulous!! We went to the beach, walked about at the shopping centre, had some lunch, it was lovely!!! The best part of all that, as weird as it sounds, was to see my little brother being a dad. He's sooooo cute with his babe, very patient, very fatherly, he talks to him, teaches him stuff, it's awesome!! I can't even leave aside the fact that my nephew is the most delicious thing!!!! I feel like biting him all the time!!! Not in a bad way, but he's sooooo cute that you just cannot say enough words to describe him, that you just feel like hugging him tight, biting him, and grabbing his feet. They're soooo fat!! And he's such a smart kid. He's only two, but he says stuff that you just can't understand where he gets that shit from... it's hilarious!!! When he calls me 'auntie Paula', ohhh I go to haven... it's the sweets thing!!!

In the way back home, he came right next to me in the car, and I was trying to entertain him. He loves music and he loves to dance, so I was doing all this weird stuff and he was imitating me, it was hilarious... having kids in the family is such a blessing!!! I don't know, but I can't wait to have babies of my own. I mean, I'm not ready now, but I can't wait to be just to have a thousand of them... not really but three or four would be great!!! I reckon I'm getting clucky...

That's him

That's him with the babysitter

That's him and my sister-in-law

and that's the happy family!!

Order and Progress

2008-11-18T04:19:00.011+10:00

That's the statement written in our flag. I actually find our Brazilian flag beautiful. It's green representing the Amazon, blue representing the ocean and yellow, representing the gold (mining), I think. The only thing that I wonder is if the statement really represents the situation here. I can say that 'progress' can be quite fair. Despite the world economical crisis, Brazil is still stable and doing reasonably well. The biofuel production is pretty good here. The government isn't planning to slow the work down on it due to the crisis. We've exported heaps of it to Europe and EUA as well. Agriculture is also going ok, although it has been said some grains harvest wont be as huge as last year's. The banks are still lending money to people to buy properties and some economics professors have said Brazilian banks are pretty conservative therefore, haven't done anything major to cause much damage to their structure. I really do believe my country isn't all that bad when it comes down to economical matters. Well, pretty good then for the 'progress'...

Now, let's talk about 'order'. Excuse me, what does that mean??? Many Brazilians would ask you that. How can we have a word written in our flag that doesn't even exist in our dictionary?!?!?! Of course it does, but people have not a clue what that means, which, in the end, it's the same damn thing. And I tell you, I really feel the need to name you what I mean about Brazilians NOT knowing the signification of 'order'. People here DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT read signs, for example. No parking, don't smoke, pets not allowed, preferential for gestating or disable people, recycle, don't walk in the grass, private property, music not allowed, you name it, people here cannot read it. They walk in the grass, they smoke inside shopping centres and restaurants, they park and stop whatever the hell they like, specially in the middle of the street, no matter how much you scream, horn, make gestures, they don't give a rat's, the remain still. People here also love throwing staff out of the car window, can you believe it?? Oh yeah, it kills me, kills me!!! The other day I was driving through a big avenue and this guy just opened the window and chucked a bloody bottle of coke out of the damn thing. Man, I went mental!!! I drove faster, got my car right next to his and screamed my lungs out "You sun of a bitch, go throw the rubbish inside YOUR house. The street isn't it!!" And this is nothing compared to many other things, way worse and terrible, HORRIFYING!!!

Man, I get so angry with people here, sometimes. I love Brazil, but most of the time I come to this blog to bitch about it. But it annoys me how people here have not a clue of how to be a civilized nation. Politicians are corrupted and the people are uneducated enough to not be able to say anything about it or fight for their rights. To make things even worse, they even contribute to the underdevelopment of the country by not respecting the rules. People here have the idea "I'm not gonna change the world. So if they don't do it, why am I going to do it?". I don't get it!! I can't say I'm 100% politically correct. I have my floors, plenty, sure, as everyone does. But please, people here don't respect anything or anyone. No rules, no laws, no queue, nothing!! I find it very hard to live with it. Santa ignorance! Order and Progress?!??!?! Not sure...

(Un)happy end

2008-11-07T02:56:00.017+10:00

The characters are:

He: tall, very intelligent, a inspiring doctor. Well-educated, he comes from a very traditional and wealthy family. He's 28, a gentleman, compared to a prince by many due to his attitude, open mind, will to help. A caring man and dream boy for many girls.

She: strong personality, a beautiful blond girl. Determined, she doesn't care about people's opinion. Out-spoken, mysterious, hard-working, she doesn't allow too many in her heart. His family loves her.

The story goes something like that:

She just graduated from university. The course: medicine, just like him. They met at university. He tutored her for while. The celebrations for her uni achievement was huge!!! I was actually invited but couldn't make it because it was in another state, where she lives now. This massive event also celebrated their engagement. 150 people made to the party, and they said the couple couldn't be happier. He is going to make her happy for the rest of her life. And she is going to do the same for him.

The wedding is going to be here, in the bride's home town. The church has already been paid for, and the wedding planners are going crazy!! The bride's mother is soooo excited and the groom's family can't wait to be at the sunshine state (here) for the party. The girls are already organizing the piss up for when she gets here. Everything is going great!!!

Both, now doctors, are studying hard to get into their specialisation. She wants to be a gynecologist. He wants to work in an ER.

Saturday, November 1, 2008, 5.30am, the fairy tails turns into a nightmare. He's working in an ambulance, coming back from rescuing a just born baby. It crashes against a truck holding 30 ton of corn. He is squashed under the wreckage. She gets the call and drives to the accident scene. Thankfully, for her own sake, she couldn't find what she was searching for; his body.

I'm so sad for her!!! I wish I could hold her tight. Everyone who loves and cares for her has been feeling her pain. The boy's family, poor them!!! He's the second son lost in a car accident. I wish I could take her anxiety, her anger, her lacking of understanding away from her mind. I wish I could give her some comfort. The last thing she said to him; "I don't like this shirt". Had she known, she would have been nicer, loving and caring. She would have said "I LOVE YOU!" She wouldn't had let him go. But how could she know? How can we lose someone in a blink of an eye? We gotta learn from this. Learn that we have to live life as if it was the last breathing. We have to be next to the people we love as much as we possibly can and let them know how much we love them. That sounds so cliche, but I guess, when you go through something like that, you realise how important it is to value the people you care.

Amiga, I'm devastated with your pain. I feel your body aching with disappointment. I'm praying for your soul and for his too. I hope God brings you peace. God took him away because he was needed elsewhere. Your prince will cure in heaven. You're a rock, you'll past trough this and you'll be happy again. You deserve it! I love you always!!

Call me crazy

2008-10-29T04:59:00.009+10:00

Saturday night I went out to a very cool bar for a boogie. It was actually a friend's birthday. The night was going great!!! A heap of girlfriends dancing, talking crap, taking crazy photos (I'll post it here for you once I have them, I promise), it couldn't go wrong, could it? And it didn't. We had a ball, we laughed our ass off as we hadn't for a while. Just one thing during the night kinda of annoyed me. And before I tell you the story, I'm just letting you know right ahead, and you can call me crazy if you want, but I don't like those very hot, good lucking, stud muffing guys, you know?!? They are full of shit!!!

Well, I saw this guy, soooo handsome, tall, dark skin, black hair, hot body, well dressed, just hot!!! He was standing right next to me. I saw him arriving, I looked at him and I did what I always do when this type of guy gets next to me; don't give a shit!! Then he left. I like smart guys, with a cute nerd kinda intellectual look, that can make me laugh, that can make me feel special, mysterious, who can treat me like a lady (or not in the right moments, wink, wink), well, enough with the dirty talk. Later on, I went to the bar to get a drink and he came to talk to me. The conversation went like that:

Him: "Oh, it's so hard to find a tall girl. You have not a clue of how I suffer with that." (7 secs)

Me (looking bored and not interested): "Hum...hum!" (1 sec)

Him: "So...what your name?" (2 sec)

Me: "Paula" (half a sec)

Him: "I saw you over there..." (2 secs)

So, after 12-and-a-half secs, only people, ONLY, this guys says:

"So, love, what can I do to give you a kiss??"

Me: Oh, LOVE, it would be easier to find life in another planet before you kiss me!!!

WTF??? What's wrong with these guys?? I wonder if this is all our fault. I mean, us girls who allow guys like that or any other type of guy behave like that. I've been feeling so disrespected here in Brazil. Guys here treat girls like shit. And the controversy is that you don't need to sleep with a guy, or worse, you don't even need to kiss him for him to treat you like shit or think he's better than you!! Good men in Brazil are so rare to find, that's not funny. And after you have such a healthy relationship, with a awesome man, respectful, supportive, caring, loving, like I had, I'm a bit worried about not ever finding someone to share a life with, someone that's worth my attention, my care, my feelings, my dedication, my companionship. I'm thinking about making a business out of lack of decent man here and start to import men to Brazil. I might even make some money out of this. Is anyone out there interested in meeting some Brazilian chicks??

Just like dad

2008-10-22T04:31:00.005+10:00

You know when you look at someone and you think: "Gosh, I'm soooo like that person"? I saw myself doing that for years and years and years with regards to dad. Everywhere I went, people would say the same thing to me, how dad and I were so much alike. And I could see it all the time. The thing is, dad has a few things about him that not only me, but everyone who knows him really like it. He's funny, communicative, entertaining, friendly. But there are sooooooo many things about his personality that I just cannot put up with. And even that, I took after him (really sad!!).

When I was 17, I convinced mum to let me see a shrink. Honestly, it was one of the best things ever. Although my family was totally against it, I managed to spend 10 months in therapy. I'd say my main goal was to stop being like dad. And I reckon I got close to it. It's weird how dad and I relate to each other. It's a very undefined relationship we have going on. I can't say that on his behalf, but I have to admit that myself, in particular, have countless issues with regards to him. I don't really know what exactly I feel for him, and for sure it isn't simply love. Actually, I'm not sure if I got that at all. Dad has hurt me, and mum and my brother soooo many times that I just cannot heal. When I'm allowing myself to relax and trust he has changed, I get hurt again. I've created a thick skin, and it's like he can't get through me anymore. I've lost all the respect for him as a man and as a father. It's really sad. I'm sure what I have isn't hate, but disappointment and indifference. I think he means no harm, and his behaviour has a lot to do with his childhood. I reckon my grandparents didn't teach dad much about family, love, companionship, sharing, and all the great feelings mum has taught us. So how could he give it to us, if he doesn't even know what's like?!?

I find it soooo sad how he does things sometimes that actually make me ache physically. Sometimes it has nothing to do with me, but it still aches. It also aches to feel the way I do, to have this endless anger on me. And although I've learned he won't change, and I have to accept him the way he is, sometimes I lose my mind and I go nuts at him, we argue, we say stuff, it's awful. I really would like to learn how to forgive and forget. I wish I could just block the bad feelings and be able to only spend delightful times with him, just like I do with mum.

Well, but as I always say, nothing is 100% bad. And this isn't gonna scape the rule. The positive thing about having the weirdest relationship with dad, is that it made me a better person. All the bad stuff I took after him have been controlled by my own conscious. Everytime I'm about to act like dad, I remember how much I hate his behaviour, and I hold it back. But most importantly, it'll make me a better parent, that's for sure!! I learned with my own father, through his behaviour, how not to be a bad parent. I'm sure I won't make the same mistakes as he has with my brother's and mine up bringing. That's important, I reckon!! Learning from my father's mistake.

I don't want to finish without saying something nice about him though. I reckon God (BTW, I believe in God) has given him a second chance. Gos had given him a grandson who is crazy about him. And I have to admit he's doing great as a grandfather. Maybe he's realized it's time to catch up with what he had failed before.

Gimme answers!!!

2008-10-10T02:37:00.006+10:00

I've got so many questions that I don't even know where to start. I actually bold them so you can help me figure this shit out!!! Well, let's start with something that happened to me this week, and I almost lost my sleep over it. But before that, let me give you an introduction about my friendships. I'm a very loyal friend. I'm always there for when my friends need me or an advice, or a bit of attention, a pad on the back or even to tell them they are wrong. I'm very opened to them and I always say what I think in the best way I can to not offend them, but to open their eyes regarding any matter. Most of my friends have some characteristics similar to mine, but mainly, we are all very different. And we all respect each other, therefore there are a few things that we shouldn't even argued about, because we just think differently.

A while ago I was seeing this guy. One night we had planned to go out for drinks. I ended up inviting a couple of friends to come along. One of the girls actually came along ahead in the car with me. The other girls were coming later. When I went to pick up this guy, with her, he brought along a friend. She hadn't met neither of them at that stage, so she was VERY, VERY uncomfortable to be going out with this two guys and me, as she had a partner, and she said it didn't look good for a committed girl to be in a public place with two guys and a girlfriend. She said it looked like there were two couples. I apologised for the situation but to be honest, I didn't really think it was a big deal. Her partner has to trust her, and as long as she didn't kiss, hug or did something sexual with the guy, what was the problem??? But as I said, we are different and I just tried to respect it.

Well, this week, I went out with this same girl and two other guys. But these two guys are two of our best friends. So there wasn't a problem at all for her to be with me and two other guys in a public place then, right??? My question is, WTF????? Am I being wrong here, or maybe too liberal, or disrespectful, or stupid??? I reckon that's double standards, am I wrong?? Please point that out to me. Why can she go out looking like two couples with friends but not with her friend's date and another guy?? Because her partner will find that not good??? But shouldn't he trust her no matter what??? Why are Brazilian SO FULL OF SHIT??? I'm so sick of this crap!!! People here are full of shit!!

And let's not stop here. Please listen, I have another story and more questions. Have I told you that I'm the only single girl in my group of friends? I'm not complaining, and that's not even the point. But the question here is; if I'm going out to a bloody awesome concert, that I intend to dance heaps, DANCE ONLY (that is, no intention whatsoever to have any encounter with a guy, and I'm being honest), what's wrong with me willing to go with a friend without her boyfriend?? I mean, if she chooses to bring the boyfriend along, fine! But am I allowed to have an opinion, and that being, I'd rather to have a moment with my girlfriend without her boyfriend?? And that's not because I'm gonna take her to cheat on him (because I'm not like that, and I respect and value fidelity), but because if I want to dance with her, she won't be able to, because the boyfriend we'll be complaining. I know already the story!!

Well, I was judged this week just because I said to a friend I'd like to spend a bit of money in a concert, to go with her, if her boyfriend wasn't coming. But I said that because she said he probably wouldn't go at the first place. I have the right!! And I really like him, but not to go with for a concert to dance, that's bloody all!!

I'm just so sad that this girlfriend of mine, who know me so well, and know that I don't encourage, in fact I don't like infidelity, still make me feel like the "SINGLE girl - the CURSE". Just because I don't think men are the only reason to live, and I'm not the conventional type, it doesn't mean that I'll destroy every relationship in the world neither encourage my friends to disrespect their partners. And this friend is one who knows me well and know all that!!!

I'm starting to wonder if I'm really a freak who will never find someone because I'm way too open mind, and because I believe in relationships that do not function based ONLY AND EXCLUSIVELY on what society dictates is a good behaviour for women. Please, gimme answers!!!!

What a joke!

2008-10-07T05:28:00.002+10:00

Although it's a joke, I'm not laughing at all. I actually think I should bust in tears. That's all because of the local elections, here in Brazil. We went yesterday to vote for our mayor and local members, and I did it for the first time ever, as I was away for ages. Man, I found it hard to pick my candidates. Brazilians are very hopeful, we always believe we are improving, things are changing, that people from the opposition can make a difference.

Maybe, because I was overseas, I opened my mind a bit more, and I lost this Brazilian spirit that "oh, we're getting better!", to replace it for something realistic. What we have here in Brazil isn't politics. It's an organised (or maybe disorganised) festival for a small and selected (by the people) group of high class thieves that are more worried about enjoying life with public money rather than improving health, education, security, employment rates etc.

Some people actually say the country is in a better condition, that poor people aren't that poor anymore, and uneducated people are getting education, and bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Let me paint you a picture; firstly, the president came up with this plan called something like 'family package'. It's some "almost nothing" amount of money to make the poor people shut up and think he's helping. With education, they build heaps and heaps of beautiful buildings they call schools, but they forget to hire and pay teachers to teach. So, how can the kids learn something? The drug industry here in Brazil is run by the people in the 'favelas' in partnership with the police and the politicians. High profile judges order high class sons of a bitch to be released from jail because... oh, just because. Politicians here, to steal public money, come up with the weirdest road works, and get overcharged by the construction companies, to get half of the profit.

Politicians here are bribed, corrupted, blackmailed, it's shit! To pick my candidates, I couldn't even say "oh, this one is honest" because there isn't such a thing. It's actually accepted that they steal public money, because it's common. People here say "oh, such and such steal but at least he as a good administrator", or they say "I'm gonna vote in such and such because she is easy to bribe", or, even worse, I friend of mine, who is also a journo, said he was gonna vote for someone who was TOTALLY corrupted because this candidate was a good source for his articles. I'm like "what the fuck?!??!?!?". Do you believe a drag queen with NO, ZERO, political plan made the cut because people here think elections is a joke?

I'm not sure if I'm being radical or maybe blind, and Brazil is, in fact, going in the right direction. I hope so. I hope all the Brazilians are totally right to be positive about our country and I'm the only dumb thing surviving. I'm hoping that I'm wrong about having no hope.

Totally shameless!!

2008-09-25T03:07:00.006+10:00

Man, I tell you, Brazilian people are so shameless!! And I don't mean it because of their short shorts, nor tiny bikinis or not much cloth on during carnaval. I'm not even going there. They're shameless with regards to what they say. Well, I tell stuff about my life right open, with no discretion, out loud, not worrying much about what people think. But here in Brazil, or at least in the city I live in, people say stuff to you that I just don't get it!

Honestly, there is nothing wrong with being honest, but in some cases some discretion is required. For example, the other day I was having my nails done, and these two beauticians were talking to each other, including me in the conversation, how the other client was annoying! And I'm like "Oh my God!!! These two girls are having a bitch about a client sitting pretty close to me!!! Imagine if she was my mother??". I think that's a huge lack of common sense.

Also, I was in this private kids' playground picking up my nephew. The attendant was telling me (she didn't have a clue who the hell I was!) something like "that guy there is the father of this little boy here, and he is a tide arse!!!", And I'm like "HOLLY FATHER OF GOD!!! This woman is nuts!" Imagine if he was my husband, cousin, brother or whatever? And she said that without me even asking...

I think there is a huge difference between speaking up your mind and defaming someone. One involves you expressing your opinion about your personality or your opinion about something that is general knowledge. The other thing is you defaming someone, making people believe something about another person that they don't even know well. I think this is so wrong and very, very rude. Well, unfortunately I have to admit that people from the part of Brazil I come from are very rude and impolite (I know, I'm generalising, and I shouldn't! But oh well, it's just to help you understand my point). Man, that embarrasses me badly. Maybe I used to be like that. But after a few years living overseas, I sure learned some manners.

I wish people here looked a bit more to their own floors, and unreasonably criticized people less. I'm not sure if I'm being double standards here, but I don't think that's the case. I know I say heaps and heaps of stuff, I bitch a LOT, but I try hard not to defame people. That's not nice, and it's rude!!! I'm shameless with regards to a few things, but I try to preserve names or something similar that would easily identify a person. Well, that's the least I can do if I'm having a bitch about them, right? hehehehe...

Peaceful soul, bloody priceless!!!

2008-09-18T02:43:00.003+10:00

I should be embarrassed to turn up here after 4 bloody months. But you know what, I'm like that! I don't give a rat's ass. I don't ask you to come and visit me. I have to admit though, that I appreciate very much your company, but don't come here nagging for more attention because I just cannot handle it at the moment. I'm here today just to let you know that I'm alive. I'm surviving Brazil... hooray!!! Honestly, the whole excitement doesn't come because of that, but because I'm finally in peace with myself. Not sure about in peace with Brazil yet. That's a totally different story...

Yeah, wondering why I have a peaceful soul?!?!? Or maybe how to get one?!? I'm afraid I'll have to inform you that they are NOT for sale. I have not a clue how I got into this stage of my life, but I have to let you know it feels bloody great! You should try it!!! That's all about being able to come and go to wherever hell you want to, whoever company you choose to go with, at any time you like. It's all about not needing someone to present to society with the excuse that you're a not a miserable single person. In fact, I LOVE being single!!! Note that I hope to not be single for the rest of my life. I really, really want to have a family, with a loving husband and children!!! But Gosh, not now!!! I'm enjoying my freedom, learning about myself, creating my boundaries, focusing on what really matters to me now, professional life, family, friends, fun times, laughter!!! Oh Gosh, it feels good!!!

I guess this whole conversation came about 5 months ago or so, when a friend of mine said he didn't want a girlfriend (he's been single for 3 years ish), because a peaceful soul was priceless. At that point, I didn't understand what he meant, and I felt sorry for him. But now, I know it and I get it and it's great!! Also, as all my girlfriends are seeing someone, and as I 'watch' their relationship, I see they all have their issues, things that I just don't feel like dealing with right now. So I'm just happy that I don't have anything to worry about at the moment but myself... am I being selfish here??? Oh well, I don't care. I just feel great!!! But please, I cannot deny that there are still little issues that I've been dealing with since I got back, and they annoy the hell out of me. But I feel I can handle all these issues better because I have great support for this journey; my peaceful soul!!!!

Time flies!!!

2008-05-03T05:00:00.002+10:00

It’s crazy how time goes by soooo fast!!! I remember so well a year and a bit ago, a friend of mine calling me like a maniac!! I was in Australia, and she was here in Brazil. She kept ringing me in the weirdest times, because of the time difference, and I kept missing her calls. I knew she had something important to say, though. It had to be something very important due to her persistence!!!

I remember so well those phone calls. And as a good friend that I am (excuse-me!!!), I knew exactly what she had to tell me; she was getting married to her school-time sweet hart. Man, I was so excited, happy, pleased for her!!! And she was ringing me then to give me enough time to get organised and make the trip to Brazil for her wedding.

I remember telling her that there was nothing in the world that you’d make me miss something so important to her, and obviously, so important to me. I remember talking to my (ex)babe at the time, and we both were going to make the effort to come for the wedding.

Now, a year and five months later, I’m here getting prepared for her wedding that will be on tomorrow. I’m running to get the dress, shoes, make up, hair, everything organised. I’m so excited for this wedding, that it even seems like I’m the one to get married tomorrow. But I guess that’s how you’d feel when one of your best friends gets married. Specially because she’s the first one of us to tie the knot. I’m also happy for her because her husband to be is a wonderful man. He’s lovely, intelligent, understanding, hard-working, he’s great!!! And I reckon they deserve each other, that’s for sure. I reckon the party will be beautiful and full of positive energy. I can’t wait!!

But what has made me think a couple of times lately (I promise, only a few times!), is that a year and five months isn’t that much!! And when she rang me to give me the fantastic news about her wedding, my life was so different to what it is now. I’m not going to say that it’s better or worse, so let’s keep it as different. I was with my (ex)babe, thinking about my wedding. I had no plans whatsoever to come back to Brazil, I had just started a new job, I had just moved to a great house, with the girls, I was in a different stage of my life. How can everything change so quickly?!??!?!? I cannot even believe that, when she rang to tell me about the wedding, I was worried about the logistical and financing issues of coming over from Australia. And now, after all, I didn’t even need to worry about those issues, because I’m living here, and it has been like that for six months already!!!

The time has gone sooooo fast indeed. And it’s crazy when you stop and analyse how quickly your life can change!!! I really don’t know where all this comes from, but I have to admit I’m not used yet with how deeply my life has changed in so little time!!

I guess I’d like to give you a piece of advise. Not because I know everything, because I don’t!!! But just because that’s something new I learned very recently, with all these past changes in my life. We make up plans for our lives, and I find it very important to do so. In fact, it’s essential, in my opinion, to have a plan in which one wants to follow to achieve their objective. However, be prepared for the obstacles in the way and, more important, be aware that things are changing all the time. You need to be flexible because things might not go in the direction you want to and you need to learn how to deal with the unexpected.

I think I knew that, but not as much as I should of. I dealt with the unexpected as I could, but I’m still not sure how good it was. I still think that, almost a year later, I’m still feeling a bit lost with how I should move on with my life after the changes, and I’m still not sure why those changes happened to me. It’s really annoying when you aren’t prepared for the unexpected. It makes things harder to swallow… so be aware of the changes, and try to embrace it!!! They may seem to be for the worse, but after some time, you’ll find the positive side of it all. That’s what I’m searching for at the moment!!!

Sigh...feeling better...

2008-03-18T10:29:00.005+10:00

I loved how I felt the whole day today!!! I reckon that spending the day yesterday, in my own company did me some good, and thank God for that!!! I woke up feeling very light, and during the whole day I had this peaceful soul inside me. I even had a few evil thoughts going through my mind (and there always are heheehehe), but I resisted it and I didn’t spread my poison at all. I just kept quiet, and had a nasty smile in the corner of my lips.

I reckon that’s healthy, though!! If I keep going in this direction, I’ll be a better person. I’ll still be a person with (strong) opinion, but I might just share it with people who can handle it, rather than every ordinary person. It’s not every-single-person in this world that can handle the truth, right?? I reckon only a few of us can, actually, just like you and me.

Anyway, lately I’ve been having an issue with a very dear, dear friend of mind. I absolutely love her, but since I came back from Australia, it feels that we argue or disagree 110% of the time we see each other, which it’s not a great figure, you may agree. Well, you might be wondering what the issue is, and I’ll tell you my friend. One of the things I hate the most is when someone says I’m lying . Because I rarely lie!!!! I’m very honest and transparent, which is one reason why I get f@cked sometimes (and I don’t mean in the physical way, unfortunately, but that’s a different story). So, because I’m these two things, I HATE when people look at me and say I’m not saying the truth. Well, if I tell you, for example, that I’m a confident or a happy girl, don’t tell me something like ‘NO, YOU ARE NOT!' Honestly, DO NOT do that!!! It drives me absolutely insane!!!

So...this friend of mind LOVES doing that. Imagine this thing, that I already hate so much, being repeated a couple of times, and different topics in the same night, many occasions we go out??? I go NUTS!!! The thing is, I really, really love her, and I reckon we are great mates, but lately, I think she’s been having trouble to hear me a bit, and she’s been concentrating on something she might want me to be or do or... I don’t fucking know!! I just hate the fact that a person that I love so much and I care so much for, gets me wrong many times. And the thing is, if a person reads this open book, they can easily tell that I’m not a liar, and I’m quite open about how I feel, sometimes waaaayyyy to open, actually. So, why I’d say something that I don’t really feel or think to a great friend?? And the point is, if I say something, that’s fine to someone to criticize it, I promise. I love constructive criticism, I swear!!! But If I say I feel this way, or I’m that way, DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT say, ‘Paula, you’re not!!! Because I’ll get very, very angry, and I’ll say back, ‘who the fuck are you again, to say that??’ Am I being rude??? But honestly, I think I’ve even written here before that I hate when people say I do something that I don’t or say I don’t feel in a way that I actually do.

And let’s say one fair thing here. Soooo many times, when I’m in trouble with myself, I overlook or hide things about me, INTENTIONALLY. I do it!! Isn’t that normal to human beings!??!!? So I do it!!! And sometimes my friends come to tell me, you’re overlooking this or that, and I agree. If I don’t want to talk about it, I’ll say it!! But don’t come to tell me that I’m overlooking something that I’m not, and still insist that I am, after I say I’m not. Because I’m very honest and transparent, as I said before, and I have no reason to lie, right?

It sounds(reads) like I’ve said too much already. I hope no one gets upset here... it’s just random feelings...sigh...I better leave now... tchau!!! heheehhhehe

I miss myself!

2008-03-17T05:30:00.003+10:00

I think today has been the first day I took off to myself since I arrived back in Brazil. And I’m loving it!!! Man, I don’t know why, but I’ve been finding it very hard to spare some time to enjoy my own company. Not because I’m not fun, actually, the opposite, let's be honest here, I’m damn good! But because I’ve been feeling a don’t have space to do this anymore. I’ve been feeling suffocated, as if I’m inside a room, and the walls are very close to me. So I try hard to skip out these walls, and I always end up ignoring that I need this time to myself. That’s really sad!!! Even though I lived in Australia with my ex-babe, and friends, and more friends, I always found some free time to dedicate it to myself. So many times I would go shopping for something I wanted to cook, for a bottle of wine I wanted to have and a movie I wanted to watch, and go home to do all that by myself. Geez, that was so much fun!!! Here in Brazil, I don’t really know why, but I can’t find the opportunity to do that.

I’ve been working long hours, and catching up with people everyday-single-day. The worst thing of all that, is that I soooo miss myself. As I continue with this routine, I feel that I’ve been getting away from my thoughts, my will and most importantly, my focus!! I’ve just arrived back in Brazil, and sooo many things started happening so quickly for me, since my first day back, that I reckon I haven’t even had time to realize that I moved back here. And now, I’m suffering the consequences...

And I find it very interesting how, because of that, I can see a huge change in my personality, my mood, my tolerance. The problem is, this change is NOT for the best, for sure!!! With the lack of time for myself, I get very, very restless, I get very sincere and sarcastic. And you might be thinking that this may be a good thing. Man, believe me, that’s NOT!!! You’d hate the comments I’d say to you if you dared cross my way. I get soooo sarcastic, that I really start hating how evil I get, and how shitty I make people feel. I’m not proud of that!!! The thing is, I tell no lies, I promise!!! But I tell true that people don’t want to hear, and I gotta stop with that!

I feel really sorry for those people who say they can’t be by themselves. Ten years ago, I used to be one of them. But now a days, once I learned how to enjoy my own company and how much I gained with a quiet moment with myself, I started appreciating that more and more, and I’m getting a bit crazy for not having the time to do that often.

O good example of all that is the fact that I hadn’t posted for four months!! I love writing about my thoughts and my feelings, but I hadn’t stopped to do that for such a long time!!! Today, I woke up at a friend’s place, and when I left there, I thought, "I will spend some time with me today". Geez, I’m having a ball!!!

I guess this post was intentionally made for me, by me. Maybe just to encourage myself to stop a bit, breath in, and do what I like so much; be my own company, just like today. Today is Sunday here in Brazil, and I want to start my week with a different attitude, being what I like to be, doing what I like to do. And to get that, I need some time to think and to spend it with myself.

Well, I hope it means I’ll start writing back again. I need to share some stories and experiences that I’ve lived since I arrived back here.

But I just want to say, I’m good, I’m great, I just miss myself. But I guess that’s normal. I’m such a great chick that it’s only fair I want to be around myself all the time, huh??? ;-)

Cheers to a fanta-bulous weekend!!!

2007-11-06T11:20:00.000+10:00

Man, I had the best weekend EVER!!! As it was my second last weekend in Ozland, I thought I might as well go nuts!! And so I did. Everything started with a very, very great mate, Oscar, coming over from SAD-Adelaide (the name of the city is Adelaide but the place's soooo boring that people here in Australia call it Sad- Adelaide) to visit me. We met a few years back at uni, and as I’m flying back to Brazil in 10 days for good, he thought it would be a good idea to give me a ‘good bye’ hug personaly. How sweet!!!

Well, he came over to Brissie Thursday last week, and then the party started. Everything started with a carton of beer, nice dips and cheese in my front deck on the evening he arrived. On Friday we went to Wet’n’Wild for some childish fun. Man, that was fun indeed!!! The weather was just sensational, typical of Queensland. A part of going crazy at the rides, I got the best tan, just how I like it!! After some adrenaline released on my body, we went back home for some alcohol. We had a few beers there with my flatmate (Ash) and his girlfriend, also my dear friend (Sharon) and all of us went for dinner in my favourite (and the coolest!) restaurant in town. As we walked into the restaurant, the owner, who’s a friend of mine, ordered us a bottle of sparkling wine in the house (very posh!!). And a few bottles later, and some dirty, dirty talking (that’s what drunk people do, talk dirty!! Hum, you must be nodding right now agreeing with me, huh??? I know!!), we found the dance floor. Man, we did some serious dancing, and ass shaking, I tell you. The sound track was inspired by the 80’s, and the DJ was bloody awesome!!! We had a ball!!! I was way off my head when we went back home. But as if the sparkling wine wasn’t enough, we decided to have some Gin t’s too at home.

The Saturday also promised to be big. I woke up and felt as if a train had hit me. But I didn’t let it pull me down. I had big plans for that day too, and I had to be ready for it. Oscar and I left home around midday and went to another friend’s place, right on the river, with the most beautiful view. We relaxed there for a few hours, drank some beer to start with, and then we jumped to the delicious, yummy, tasty mango Martini, made by one of the gals… she’s sooo good at making cocktails, she kills me with them. We left around 9.30ish and went to this cool bar called Glass. Guess what?? We drank there too. We met a few other guys there, and we all went to a nightclub afterwards for a boogie. Man, I danced hard and hard again. I hadn’t done that much dancing for ages… I had so much fun!! It was sooo good to spend time with this mate of mine from SAD-Adelaide, after so many years… and I reckon he enjoyed himself heaps too.

On Sunday, everyone was absolutely exhausted, and we decided to rest (not!). We went to this lovely bowls club there is here in Brissie, right in front of the river. We got there around noon and only left about 7ish. It was sooo nice to have a ‘chill out’ day, a few cold beers, a nice meal and some nonsense, spaced out conversation…

My weekend was definitely fanta-bulous!! I really enjoyed being able to do whatever I wanted to, without worrying much about stuff, feeling guilty, being able to relax. As it was my second last weekend here, I wanted to make the most out of it. And so I did. I’ll miss this place soooo much. Australia has been home for such a long time. It’ll hurt to leave. But I’ll survive, and I’m looking forward to getting in my new old home.

Here are some pics for you to amuse yourself. Enjoy it!!!

Friday night:

B, Ash and myself

Myself, Ash and Sharon

Everyone at dinner (way drunk already!)

Saturday:

Myself, Oscar, B and Mi - Yummy mango Martini

Ben, myself and Tristan

Myself, Oscar, Liesel and Mi

Myself, Oscar and Mi

Mi, Ben, myself and ops!! dunno

Sunday:

Myself and Mi at the bowls club

Everyone at the bowls club

He's chauvinist!!!

2007-10-17T15:16:00.000+10:00

My brother once said he reckons I wish I was born a man. I think this is ludicrous!!! Me?!?!? Wish to be born a man?!?!?! I couldn’t think of anything worse. But the interesting thing is he says so because I LOVE cars, especially the big, chunky 4WDs. Also, because I LOVE bikes.

I always said I was going to have a beautiful Wrangler to do some dirty, dirty off road tracks one day. And, off course, I was going to be behind the wheels. I always said that I was going to have a couple of bikes to travel around a few places on my holidays, especially a hot Harley to travel with all the bikies.

I think it’s very silly to say that only guys do that. That’s very chauvinist!!!

But the point of this post isn’t how male alike my brother reckons I am. The point is that I had the chance to go for a little ride (really little ride) on a hot, hot, hot Harley last weekend. I couldn’t believe how cool it is!! The sound of its exhauster was music to my ears…check out the photos. I was so excited!!! I so wish this Harley was mine :-(

Having a big laugh!!!

2007-10-12T14:02:00.000+10:00

This is freaking hilarious!!!! Ben (you've heard of him here) and I always crack up with some Internet movies we find around. We specially enjoy the Japanese ones. They are sooo funny!!! I got one here for you to have a look. Enjoy it!!!

Men are weird!!

2007-10-11T16:36:00.000+10:00

Honestly, I don’t get it!!! Let me tell you this story. On my way from Brazil, my flight was canceled before I left Auckland to Australia. Everyone in that flight had to stay over in New Zealand for the night. There was a group of seven Brazilians, including myself, hanging out. We were all set to stay in the same hotel. It was quite fun, actually, we got a few (yes, right! A few!) beers and stayed in the hotel the whole day drinking piss.

Apart from myself, they were all traveling to Australia for the first time. Everyone was curious and very excited about the whole thing, as you would. They asked me heaps and heaps of questions and I was the one elected to deal with the situation, because of my English. I was the person who talked to the hotel people, the airline etc. Well, to summarize, I was being very nice, patient, answering all their questions, helping them out as much as I could. You know, I like helping people because I’m a very sweet person. Yes, I am!!!

Anyway, one of the guys didn’t speak a word in English. And not only that, it was his first time leaving Brazil. And not only that either, it was his first time in an airplane... owww! So, he felt safe around me, for some reason. And we hung out a lot. I didn’t mind helping him out at all. He was a nice guy, and I kinda imagine he was going through a difficult situation. But there was nothing going on between us, for sure!!! I was being helpful, he found someone to count on, and that was the deal. No flirting whatsoever, I promise!

So, the next day when we arrived at the airport (bloody 3.30am, mind you), everyone was going nuts. As our flight had been canceled the day before, everyone was trying to get into flights that morning. The airport was crowded, and the Air New Zealand staff (the loveliest and most helpful people!!) was trying really hard to fit everyone into flights. The seven of us finally got our flight arrangements, but not everyone together. Four of us went first, then two, and finally the last one. Guess who was the unlucky, lonely one??? My little buddy!!! Poor guy, I felt sooooo sorry for him. I could see on his eyes he was about to have a nerve-break-down. I reckon he would have taken the first plane back to Brazil if he could. I really felt for him and I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Poor boy, he couldn’t speak English, and his flight was only two o’clock that arvo (long time to go, if you’ve been in the airport since 3.30am).

Well, once I got home and things were settled I sent him an email asking for some news. He got me very worried when I left NZ, you know!! Now, guess what he wrote back to me?? Something on those lines: “I’m fine, thanks for asking. I really would like you to come and spend a weekend with me in Sydney because you’re a hottie!!!!” WHAT THE?????

After all my dedication and concern, all he can think about is a nice pair of legs and the big (and natural – excuse me!!) boobs?!??!?!?! Oh, please!!!! Why are men like that?? I really appreciate when a guy compliment me in the way I look. But I’m much more than that!!! I like when guys go past this point, and say something a bit more original like I’m funny, I’m authentic, intelligent or maybe I’m honest, I don’t know!! Just don’t say you want spend the weekend with me because I’m hot!! I’ll punch you in the face and you’ll see how a hot girl can cool you down very quickly.

Awkward situation...

2007-10-10T15:31:00.000+10:00

You know, when you are in the bus, and you want to offer a lady your seat because she seems pregnant but you are not sure if you should, because she might not be pregnant after all?

It happened to me this morning and I really hate this situation. I don't want to embarrass the lady, but I don't want to embarrass myself either...

What the hell do you do in a situation like that???

It sounds like a decision here

2007-10-09T14:42:00.000+10:00

I could still smell the rain from the night before. The streets weren’t wet though. I wondered if the lighting and the rain came only inside my head, or maybe just above my house, my roof.

I crossed the road in the same usual spot. I walked up the same set of stairs, I set down on the little corner that I always have, waiting for the 323. In the background I could hear the beautiful sound of a sax - my favourite instrument. That was the only novelty to that scenario. The people walking by were the same, wearing pretty much the same clothes as always. Familiar faces doing daily, exactly what I was doing… going to work.

It seemed like I had never left. I seemed like I wasn’t way for three months. But the true is, I felt totally different, everything smelt differently, and suddenly I wasn’t as comfortable as usual. Something was missing…

Things here may not have changed at all in the past three months, but my life, oh my life, it has changed totally, upside down. And when I say ‘upside down’, I don’t mean that my life isn’t good, I just mean that things have changed TOTALLY!!! My plans from a few months back make no sense anymore. And plans that seemed so far to occur now seem perfectly suitable for the moment I’m in. How ironic!!!

This place doesn’t feel so right anymore. I’m missing something or maybe a few things. As days go by I notice that everything is becoming clearer. My time in Australia has expired and I want to go home for good.

I miss my family, friends, all the beloved ones. I miss my culture, my food, and the good times. That I’ll miss Australia, the lovely, lovely friends I met here, all the crazy moments of freedom I had, that’s for sure!!! But we should know when it’s time to abandon the ship. And this time has come for me, pirate. I’m off!!!!

One day to go...

2007-09-27T07:25:00.000+10:00

I've just finished my shower, and before I could realize I was busting in tears. Very sad, I know! I hate seeing people crying, specially when the person crying is actually me! Now you ask, 'why??' Good one! I'm flying back to Australia in a day, and for the first time in 6 bloody years, I'm confused, confused and confused... ah!!! I'm also thorn apart.
Every time I come to Brazil for holidays, I always, always count the days to head back home, Australia that is. I'm always so excited that I can't barely sleep. I'm usually smiling away, singing (very badly), cheering, all those things that happy people do. Now, busting in tears is DEFINITELY a reaction that has never occurred to me before, a few days prior my trip back to Australia.
The past four weeks have been a bit hard for me. I hope I'm not exaggerating (that's what I usually do) but I've been really frustrated. This is the first time in Brazil that I actually see myself living back here. This is the first time that my friends ask me A LOT to come back. Maybe they've always done that and now it's the first time I hear it, I don't know. I just wonder though why this doubt? I really love Australia, and I have a life of my own there. But I wonder if the break up with my (ex)babe is telling me something. Maybe it's telling me that it's time to go home, to my real home, close to my family and roots.
But I'm scared of being weak, fragile, stupid, anxious by deciding to come back to live in Brazil. Also, what the hell do I do with the 6 years I lived away??? Stick it up mine??? Excuse my French, but I'm very sad and frustrated!!!! No one's fault, but what should I do??? It has been such a difficult decision, and I can't wait to arrive in Australia to see how I feel there, to see if I still belong there... ahhhhh God, I'm bloody confused!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry, I hope it wasn't too loud!!! But now I feel relived for sharing that with you. Thank you! OK, I gotta go because I have one more night to get on the piss here in Brazil, at least for a while, and I have to get on with it. I should be back here soon with some decisions, I hope. And some stories too.

Take care and wish me a safe flight.

I'm coming back...

2007-09-19T06:05:00.000+10:00

Well, well, well, look who has popped in to say 'hi'... ME!!!!!!!!

I bet you thought I was caught by one of the natives in the Amazon, or was eaten alive by the piranhas, or maybe took the carnival troop around Brazil, partying very hard and drinking way too much, missing my flight back to Australia...

I'm sorry to disappoint you but nothing like that has happened, at least not yet. However, very importantly, I have experienced some things here and I do indeed have some juicy stories up my sleeve. The question to be asked is whether I'll share them with you or not...

I'll be back "Down Under" in less than 15 days, HHOOORRRAAAYYY!!!!!!! So I'll be back here then telling you some of my adventures.

I miss my book sooooo much...and you too.

Beijos and hasta la vista.

Friday 13th

2007-07-20T11:12:00.000+10:00

I’m not a superstitious person. I have to admit though that I can’t resist when it comes down to a perfect situation, I always spit out a superstitious expression… “Don’t put your bag on the floor because your money will go away“, “Don’t have the last piece otherwise you’ll never get married.” I always say those things out loud, but I don’t believe them at all.

Many superstitious people believe Friday 13th is evil, they bring you bad luck. Friday 13th for me, means nothing. But whenever there is a Friday 13th coming up, I say “ohhhooo this Friday is going to be Friday 13th, oohhoooo!!!”. I honestly don’t give a rat’s.

Well, ironically enough, last Friday 13th was very unlucky and evil. After 6 years of a healthy, fun, beautiful, sharing relationship, my babe and I broke up. I’m heart broken, I’m sad, shocked, angry, disappointed, lost, scared, everything!!! I didn’t see that coming, and maybe neither did he. But the bottom line is it happened and my life now will continue in a different direction.

I won’t be hopeful that we’ll get back together, but I can’t deny that I’d love it to be the case. I think he needs me as much as I need him, and that we are just perfect together. I think we maybe need a break to rethink about where we stand in this world and learn more about ourselves as individuals. And for sure this break up will either make our relationship stronger or it’ll dissolve slowly what we built together with so much love in the past 6 years.

This post is just to say so long to something that made me complete and happy for such a long time. To something that helped me grow, made me a better person and a stronger woman, to something that made me laugh and cry so many times. To something that I loved intensively, and I never wanted to let go. To something that taught me sooooo much about friendship, companionship and understanding. But most importantly, to someone that I’ll never stop loving, however love is.

I’m strong now and I’ll always be.

To you that I always called vida (life), I love you very much.

It's time to go...

2007-07-02T15:47:00.000+10:00

Finally!!! I made my decision to go back home for a while. I’ve been finding it very hard to deal with my family’s situation from a few continents away. I’m quite exhausted of getting mum’s sad phone calls, my brother’s stressed voice tones and dad’s lack of common sense and responsibility.

I thought that it was time to go and see for myself what the problem is, and what seems to be the reason behind my family’s breakdown.

This decision was a very tough one. As I’m going for a while, I decided to give up my apartment, in one of the most beautiful spots in Brisbane, and give up my great job as well. That was even harder, as I have created a strong bond with my boss and my work mates. I also enjoy the work and I find it rewarding the company’s appreciation towards me.

I have to say though, I’m relieved now that I know I’ll be with mum soon. I’ll be there to support her and help her go through her issues. I’ll try to show her the positive side of life and encourage her to learn about and experience different things.

For my brother, I hope to support him through his decisions and maybe give him my shoulder for a cry if necessary. He might need it!! I’ll try very hard not to judge or censure his behaviour. I tend to talk too much (if you haven’t noticed) and end up saying things that maybe I shouldn’t. So I’ll try to avoid this path with him this time.

With dad, only God knows what will happen. He told me last time in the phone that he wants me to meet “someone”. That won’t happen, but I was very upset with the idea that I’ll actually gonna have to say that to him. I’ll also try to have an adult conversation with him about other things that have been going through my mind, giving me nightmares. I’m just not sure if dad knows what ‘an adult’ conversation means. I’ll have to try it out this time.

I’m a bit scared of this trip, as it doesn’t feel like a holiday. I’m a bit scared of the negative energy I’ve been feeling when I speak to my family. I’m scared that I might not be able to solve any of the problems, and end up coming back to Australia defeated by the conflicts that have taken over my family.

Sometimes I feel that because I’ve been living away from home for 6 years, I’ve become this independent person, not without a family of course – but someone who makes decisions and choices detached by the rest of the family. Does it make sense?? So, I kinda feel like an outsider, and I think, act and behave so different to them. I feel that the three of them are just sucked in by these problems and they attack each other all the time rather then make a self analyse of how each can improve individually and solve the bloody problems.

Well, as I said, I’m petrified of this trip, and I’m soooo scared of, in the end of the day, not being able to help solve the problems or at least bring some happiness and good news to my family.

I guess all I can do is try, change my approach to something more understanding and calm and pray!!!

Wish me luck!!!!

Transformers, the movie

2007-06-29T15:03:00.000+10:00

For some crazy reason in this whole world, all the men in my life are stubborn. And I’m not talking about only men I get involved emotionally with (and physically. ehhrrr, no further details here, excuse me!), I’m talking about friends, my brother, my dad, uncles, cousins, work mates, every single one of them.

I usually say one always attracts the same type of person closer to themselves. I dunno how to explain this, but I believe a person will always find one (or maybe two or three) particular characteristic in a partner that was common to all previous partners. Well, if it hasn’t happened to you, you’re freaky!!! This happens to all people I know well.

Back to the story, the most common characteristic in men, in my personal experience is stubbornness. And as I said, it isn’t only with my partner. I get it with all my male friends and relatives as well.

Well, the movie Transformers started showing yesterday on the cinemas here in Australia. My work mate, whose desk is right across mine, was dying to see this movie, and he was counting the days for the opening. He was so excited at work yesterday, telling me how he couldn’t wait to watch the movie that night. I gave him the first piece of advice:

Me: “The cinema is going to be packed tonight with screaming kids, with their Transformer toys, running around the place, making funny noises “vvvvvvtttttt”, “paw”, shhhhtttt”, and you’ll be going nuts asking yourself what the hell your are doing there in the opening night…

He said that there were TWO, not only one, but TWO sessions around 6.15pm ish and he’s going to be fine.

Then I gave him the second piece of advice:

Me: “6pm?? That’s exactly when the parents leave work, pick up their kids and go to the opening night of a movie their kids like. A movie like Transformers, for example. Why don’t you go later???”

At that stage, I started to realise that he was just one more of the stubborn men that crosses my life and I started to have a laugh…

He went on and on about how he’d be fine as there were two sessions, and that wouldn’t be a problem.

Then I decided to give him the third and last piece of advice, but it came with a warning:

Me: “Ben, it’s 3.45pm now. If you REALLY want to make this movie tonight, you must book your ticket now in the Internet. Otherwise you won’t get seats. It has happened to me before, and I was very disappointed. And, most importantly, if you don’t get the tickets, you will miss out, and I will make sooooooo, but sooooo much fun of you that you will hate me and the Transformers forever. I’ll have no mercy!!!”

He said he’d be fine.

Ok, this morning started very well for me. As I opened the office door…

Me: “Morning Ben, how was the movie??”

Ben: “Good” (with a very shy smile)…

Me (dancing around the office): “hahaahhahahahha, hahahhahahaha, hahahahahhhaha… You hahahahha didn’t hahahha see the movie hahahahahaha, did you????

Ben: “ No, it was sold out”

Me: “hahahahahha, hahahhahaha, hahahhahahha”

So, I’ve been making fun of him the whole day.

“So Ben, what did you do after the movie last night??? Oh, sorry that’s right, you actually didn’t watch the movie. Hahahahhahahahha”

Or “You’re feeling tired??? Probably because you arrived home late from the movie last night. Oh, ops, you didn’t watch the movie hahaahahahah…”

I can be sooo mean sometimes. I soooo love that!!! But why don’t men listen??? I have to pay them out when these things happen, don’t you think???

Well, my day at work is finishing soon, and Ben and I just had the following conversation:

Me: “What are you doing tonight??”

Ben: “Watching the Transformers”

Me: “It’s 3pm, buy your ticket now…”

Ben: “It’s Friday, who will go to the cinemas tonight??”

In the story begins again…

Being twenty - something...

2007-06-29T13:03:00.000+10:00

Hey, hey, it's me again. Twice in the same day??? I know, what's wrong with me??? I'm such in a good mood that I might even come back again later on today...that will be three posts in a day, Hooray!!! (Sorry, just in case you can't count...)

Well, I'm here to share stuff again. My lovely friend Moiz has sent me this text below. I reckon many, many people would identify themselves with it. Enjoy it!!!

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you be in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

Beijos and I might see you later, with my third post today (weird, huh??) And have you done the 26 questions?? So what are you waiting for?? Go and do it now...

Ramdon questions....

2007-06-29T10:04:00.000+10:00

A friend sent me these questions via email and I thought I might share them with you.

Could you please be nice and cut/paste them into your blog with your own answers??? Please don't be boring, and participate. It's fun...here we go:

1. What is your occupation? Support and Student Liaison Officer

2. What colour are your socks right now? White, I only wear white socks for some stupid reason...

3. What are you listening to right now? Some dodge song from Kylie Minogue and Nick Cave, and Ben's keyboard while he types something (probably silly) :-)

4. What was the last thing that you ate? Breakfast, very yummy!! Pears with Greek yogurt, oats and honey. It's healthy too, I'm trying to lose weight :-(

5. Can you drive a stick shift? Of course. I'm the best driver in the whole world, and good drivers don't drive stupid automatic cars...those are for loser. Sorry, that's my opinion...

6. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? Red, my favourite colour, just like me. Strong, unforgettable and beautiful (and very modest!!)

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Dad, in Brazil.

8. How old are you today? 24 - Boring!!!

9. Favourite drink? Alcohol... ops I sound like an alcoholic. I'll rephrase that, anything that contains a substance that makes you feel different (it can be good or bad different) after continuous sips...

10. What is your favourite sport to watch? Soccer and volleyball. I also love watching ice skating. My babe hates it!! Can I answer the one I most hate to watch too??? Baseball and American football, I just don't get it!!!

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Hummmm, I used to like to say "my hair is virgin", but not anymore. But I've only done 12 foils and only twice. Does it count??? Can I still call my hair 'virgin'?? Please!!!!

12. Pets? My boyfriend... what??? Is it wrong??? I like to put a collar on him hehehehehehehhe...

13. Favourite food? I love them all!!! I'm a big pig!!! That's why I'm trying to loose weight now!!!

14. What was the last movie you watched? Seven years in Tibet, on DVD. I absolutely loved it!!!! I want to move to Tibet, but for a month only. Couldn't handle wearing the same thing everyday...

15. Favourite holiday? Brazil on summer with my family and friends, partying like an animal, carnival, food, drinks, have I said parties??

16. What do you do to vent anger? I bitch, I bitch, I bitch. Ah, I also speak very loud (read scream) at the person or the thing that's making me angry.

17. What was your favourite toy as a kid? My roller blades, for sure.

18. What is your favourite, autumn or Spring? Dunno, summer?!?!?!?!?

19. Hugs or kisses? Hum, that's funny, because I like both, but kisses is my favourite and my babe's favourite is hug :-( we were actually talking about this yesterday...

20. Cherry or Blueberry? Cherry, yummy!!!

21. Do you want your friends to write this in their blogs? That would be nice...

22. Living arrangements? I live in the most beautiful place in the world. I love it!!!

23. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday morning talking to my mum in the phone... long story..

24. What's on the floor of your closet? Shit loads of stuff. My closet isn't that big so I have to improvise... handbags and my 12 pair of boots....

25. What did you do last Night? Played beach volleyball, froze my toes when doing that, and went home to cook yummy Brazilian stuff with my flatmate. And went to bed with my babe. It was lovely...

26. what are you doing tonight? Going to friends' place for dinner. It'll be a Malaysian fish, YUMMY!!! Please stop dribbling all over the screen... Thank you!!!

Now, what are you waiting for??? This post is over... go and post your 26 questions. Go, go, go!!!

I have CSD.

2007-06-21T15:45:00.000+10:00

That’s right, my friend. If you no longer wish to relate with me, I think it’s bloody fair enough!!! It’s very hard to be friends with someone who has Compulsive Shopping Disorder!

I’m not a vain person, I promise. I don’t relate to people because of their appearance, their style, where they buy their clothes from or even if they wear anything at all. But I tell you people, I have shit loads of stuff, that’s not funny!!! Do you want hear numbers???? I give you some number: 19 pairs of jeans, 12 pair of boots (in Brisbane, where the lowest average temperature in winter is 18 degrees for God’s sake!!!), 35 pair of shoes and around 20 handbags. Not to mention the tops, dresses (Oh gosh, dresses. I LOVE them, I LOVE them. I’ve got heaps and heaps of dresses), belts, rings, necklaces, earrings and more, much more…

Now, after all this information above, guess what I did yesterday? I went shopping!!! How much does one need??? I have to blame this little incident on my friend Moiz (who’s Indian. You see?? I love Indian people. Don’t get the joke?? Read here).

Well, back to the story, we were meant to catch up for a beer after work yesterday. The poor boy ended up working till a bit later, so I was left alone, defenseless, in the care of my credit card’s power in the city. But there is more. Yeap, more!!! The innocent Paulinha is walking in the streets of Brisbane where there are SALE signs bloody everywhere. The signs were walking towards me, holding me by the hair, by the hair people, by the hair, and dragging me inside their shops. What was I supposed to do?? I wasn’t gonna fight them, was I?? They are stronger than me.

The sad side of the story is that these SALE signs follow me everywhere, I promise. Every time I’m in the city walking to a bus stop, to meet a friend or whatever, these signs run in my direction, tackle me down and pull me by my feet into their stores. WHAT CAN I DO???? Please someone tell me!!!

So, end of the story last night, which is the same end every time a SALE sign undertakes me, was that I bought a beautiful pair of Leopard skin hill (I know, very sexy!!) and a red wristlet purse (excuse me, totally necessary!!!).

In my defense, I would like to emphasize here that I’m not vain. Just because I’m often detained by the SALE signs, it doesn’t mean I’m a weak person. Also, it doesn’t mean that all I think about is appearance or that I’m a superficial person.

We all have our weaknesses and obsessions. Each to their own. Mine is Compulsive Shopping Disorder!!!

The four nutcases

2007-06-14T15:52:00.000+10:00

Once upon a time four girls decided to leave the stress and stinky air of the big city behind, and depart in an adventure they would never forget. The destination was Stanthorpe, and the main goal was to have fun.

Gears packed, everyone collected, food and drinks set to go, map opened in the wrong page, and off they went. The drive was great! A loud and funny girly talk was the sound track, with an almost silent SugarBabes’ track being played in the background. In front of them, the beautiful and wavy landscape guided the girls throug the right way.

Once they arrived in the town, everything was magic! The girls found a colourful tree where they stopped to relax, and enjoy the fresh air.

They also found a beautiful lake where they could enjoy the view while playing with the friendly puppies.

But as the sun was going down, the girls had to get ready. They had big plans for the evening!

A couple of hours later, looking absolutely stunning…

…they left the motel for a journey they would never imagine.

Everything started with the first bottle of wine…

…and then there was the second, third and forth…

What the girls didn’t know was that wines are very evil, and they have some enchanting effect on people. After a few bottles, wine can make you extremely happy (or sad depending on the day!!!), funny, silly, and addictive, very addictive.

So everything started to go down hill. After dinner, desperate for more wine, the girls rushed to the motel so they could feed their thirst…

Once they walked into the motel, they came to a terrible realisation… “Oooohhh nnnoooo!!! We don’t have a bottle opener”, screamed one. “Oooohhh nnnooo!! That’s the end of the world!!! No more wine for tonight!!!”

But one of the girls had a life saving idea: “let’s open it with a Swiss knife (Thank God for the Swiss knife!!!)”. After a few minutes of much struggle and wine wastage (do you know how bloody hard it is to open a bottle of wine with a bloody Swiss knife?? Man, it’s bloody hard!!!), the miracle happened. The bottle was open…

And the cork was inside.

But things became even worse for the girls. Things started getting crazy,

OUT OF CONTROL!!!!!

And the girls were overtaken by a laughter force, where they couldn’t control themselves anymore…

Than they started dancing…

And the unexpected (read: totally expected) happened…

They were sooooo drunk that they spilt wine all over the room – including themselves.

The End

Very dissapointed...

2007-06-13T12:50:00.000+10:00

I'm so upset!!!

I've changed my blog template by mistake and now I'm not happy with the one I got :-(

It doesn't look very different, I know, but it isn't the same though... my counter disappeared and now I can't figure out how to put the new one. Apparently I did, but it doesn't change from 2 visitors...

Maybe I haven't had more than two visitors...?

I'm upset. I find the other template easier to use...

I'm pissed off at you blog!!!

I'm sooo excited!!!

2007-06-08T15:21:00.000+10:00

This coming weekend is a long weekend in Australia as on Monday, the 11th is a public holiday celebrating the Queen’s Birthday (I don’t think it’s her birthday, but that’s how the holiday is called…don’t ask, I don’t have a bloody Queen!! Couldn’t care less…). Every State is on holiday except Western Australia…poor people!! That might be because they don’t give a rat’s to the Queen, just like myself. But at least I get the day off, hee hee hee…

Anyway, I’m going aawwwwaaaayyyy!!!!!!!!! HORRAY!!!!!! Come on people, be excited for me!!! I’m going to Stanthorpe, the coolest place in Queensland. I can’t wait!!! Stanthorpe is also Queensland’s wine capital.

I’m going with three other girlfriends, and I reckon we’ll have a blast. Drink heaps, heaps and heaps of wine, eat like pigs, visit nice places, freeze our butt’s off and have a good laugh.

The plan is wineries and lavender farms visits (how beautiful that must be??), maybe some bush walking in the National Park and some very posh dining. It’s also going to be interesting as this adventures team consists of a talkative Brazilian (myself), a black Malaysian (I love calling her black!! She hates it!! hee hee hee), an exhausted Swiss after 500 hundred hours of work and exams, and a lovely Peruvian. It’s definitely going to be a good mix of positive energy and backgrounds.

I’ve been counting the days for this trip. I’m very excited for the driving (as I selected myself to be the designated driver – very democratic!!!), as it is one of my favourite things to do in this whole world. I’m also very excited for the cold weather. I know it’s a bit weird, but it’s nice to do something different sometimes. And I’m never in places that cold. Just picture me around the wood fire, with the other gals drinking a beautiful and yummy wine having a joint…ops!!!! Did I say that???? Please ignore it, that’s meant to be censured…I’m gonna have FUN-AHN!!!!

In another note, I just have to ask you one thing. Have you ever cried because you love someone soooooo much and you’re soooooo happy because that person is yours??? I thought so!!! So have I…

Have a fabulous long weekend people.

Not you Western Australians...

Aahh dear, I’m in a good mood today...

Beijos people.

The Dream

2007-06-04T15:34:00.000+10:00

I had a dream last night that I’d like to understand. I always believed that dreams have meanings, and they illustrate something that you’ve been thinking of, or something that has been sitting somewhere in the back of you mind…

But before I tell you about the dream, I just have to share some background information. My mind in the last 10 months ish has been quite busy worrying about things that have been happening in Brazil, as in, with my family and stuff. I’ve mentioned here (can’t remember the post) that mum has had depression, and as she is the most important person in my life (along side – a touch ahead - with my babe), this worries me heaps.

After two years going through that hell, she seems to be better now. Mum had always been a strong woman, the balance and strength of the family. When she ‘fell’, I feel that the whole family went down with her… soon after she got depressed, my parents separated, my granddad passed away, my brother’s girlfriend fell pregnant unexpectedly, and now, to make everything better (yeah, right!), my brother and his partner decided to barely speak to my mum, and ignore her as much as possible. I find this ironic, considering my brother and his girlfriend pretty much lived at my parents’ place 24/7 before all that happened. Every time I used to go home for holidays, she was there, as part of the family. I have nothing against her, and we kinda get along well. But what upsets me is the fact that mum always, always did EVERYTHING for her, and always made sure my brother and her were well together, and since she’s had the baby, she moved out of my parents’ place and moved back to her parents’ with the baby. Her and my brother have been ignoring mum, not turning up for gatherings at mum’s place, being rude to mum in the phone etc.

So, if you can get the picture, I’m sure you’d sympathise with mum. She’s a super mum!!! I really feel sorry for her, after everything she’s done for my brother and myself, she’s been totally neglected. I know there are things she could do to make her life better and more independent, but I still think that nothing justifies the way my brother has been treating her. I don’t want to be here either judging him nor criticising his behaviour. I’m just so disappointed that mum has been feeling really lonely and neglected by her son, and she’s very hurtful that he’s has changed so much into someone so distant and careless toward her.

Now, the dream!!! Mum and I were paid to stand on the top of a tree. This tree was soooo high, sooo high that the view from the top, where we were, was the same as of the one from a flying airplane. You know when you’re up there in the sky and you can see the tiny, tiny, little houses??? (Don’t ask him why we got paid to do that or why we agreed to do something sooo scary. It was a dream for God’s sake!!). So, I’m a up there, standing on this tiny tree branch and mum is on another one next to me. I remember being sooooo scared, and even through my sleep I could feel the fear in my stomach. My biggest fear was of mum falling of the tree rather than myself. I couldn’t handle that anymore and I told mum we had to leave, and she calmly said: “Let’s get back inside.” I didn’t even know there was an inside, but I was glad when we got there, and I felt safe.

I woke up still feeling afraid and unprotected. I’ve been feeling very confused with this whole weird situation happening back in Brazil. I love my mum, more than anything in this whole world. But I also love my brother. I’m also very proud of the man he has become in terms of his professional life. He’s very intelligent, competent, responsible and hard working. I’m also sure he’s a wonderful father. But I’m sooo disappointed with how he’s has become this man without feelings, so stubborn and so angry at life. Actually, that’s how I feel at the moment; he has been angry at life. I wish he’d talk to mum, talk to me!!! But he chooses to be rude, yell and say I know nothing about anything. I REALLY don’t want to judge him, or say his all wrong!! He’s been trough a lot, I’m sure. But he’s hard to reach, and all I can think of at the moment is this whole mess happening at home and I’m here.

I need to go…home!!!

Man, I must be bored!!!!

2007-05-23T12:34:00.000+10:00

Here I go again... I found this site from someone's blog and I love it!! I'm addicted now...

It has all those stupid tests that you can do when you have nothing else better... (that's me!!!!!)

Your Birthdate: March 4

You have an extraordinary character - moral, responsible, and disciplined.
Your sincerely and honesty shine through in almost every situation.
Driven and focused, you rarely let your emotions get the better of you.
You're level headed and rational. People count on your to look at things objectively.

Your strength: Your unwavering loyalty and ethics

Your weakness: Your rock solid stubbornness

Your power color: Navy blue

Your power symbol: Shield

I don't entirely agree with this. A few things are really true, like
"You have an extraordinary character - moral, responsible, and disciplined" and "You're level headed and rational. People count on your to look at things objectively".

Not sure about "Your weakness: Your rock solid stubbornness"... me stubborn??? NO WAY!!!!!!!! But honestly, I reckon I'm not stubborn, I just have a strong personality. I'm very happy to change my mind if someone convinces me that my point isn't all the right... this is just a difficult task, that's all ;-)

Have a fabulous day!!

Beijos!!

Loser test...

2007-05-21T12:56:00.000+10:00

... I reckon I've got nothing better to do with my life

Click in the icon to try it out yourself...

Beijos!!!

I’m not Indian!!!

2007-05-18T15:42:00.001+10:00

I think people in Australia struggle to understand that. For them, if you have olive (black) skin and dark hair, you’re Indian. I reckon people here need to travel overseas, and see a bit more of the World out there…

Me, Indian??? I promise I have no problems with Indian people. In fact, most of my dearest friends in Australian are Indian. I can’t wait to visit their country, learn about their culture, eat their food and everything. But I’m not Indian!!! How hard is it to see???? Brazilian people have that thing about them that you can see from miles… the tight jeans (you can’t even fart in them), the huge earrings, a bit (read a lot) of skin showing, the ‘ginga’, meaning the way you move, walk, dance etc. I reckon I have all that, but people here don’t get it. They insist on calling me Indian.

Even the Indians themselves bloody get me confused. Every 7 Eleven I enter in Brisbane, there is an Indian attendant that soon or later will flirt with me thinking I’m Indian. They come like “So, where are you from?”, or when I’m buying phone cards to call Brazil “What country are you calling to with this card?”, or straight to the point: “Are you Indian?”. For fuck sake: I’M NOT INDIAN!!!!

Now, you think I’m being a drama queen and I hate Indians more than anyone else in this whole World. I promise I have no problems whatsoever with Indians. As mentioned before, I have heaps and heaps of Indian friends. But what upsets me the most is not the fact that people get me confused with Indians, but the fact that people don’t get that I’m Brazilian. I’m a proud Brazilian, and one of the things I love the most about my culture is the Brazilian energy, the identity, is the “I can see Brazilian from miles away”... If people think I’m Indian, it means that I don’t have that Brazilian energy. And that’s what upsets me. People could get me confused with anyone other nation and I’d still feel the same way… it’s all about me not looking Brazilian, something that I’m so proud of.

I thought I might share here photos of beautiful Indian women, and there are sooo many out there, just to prove that there are no hard feelings. Enjoy it!!!!

Two weeks later….

2007-05-17T14:21:00.000+10:00

I was interviewed by the greatest RSG, but I’ve been a bit slack so I hadn’t posted my answers till now. Also, I don’t have a computer at home that I can call my own (I know, I’m very ancient!!!), so I have to wait until I’m not that busy at work to post something…sorry!!

So, let’s go to the questions…

1. If you could trade places with any person living today, who would it be?

To be honest, I’d love to have a lot of money. I mean lots and lots of it. Who doesn’t?? So I could say that I’d love to trade places with any rich person. However, I think there is no money in the world that could by the beautiful mother I have, the most generous and charming man I have, the big, complicated and hilarious family I have, the most sincere, funny and crazy friends I have, all the experiences I’ve been through. Money helped me, for sure, to achieve many things, but I can’t give all the credit to it. I think that sometimes I nag about my life, but I have to admit I’m very grateful for everything I’ve been through and for everyone who has been with me in different steps of my journey.

Maybe I could trade places for a month with anyone who lives in Brazil so that I could visit my family…but I guess all I need to do is buy an air ticket and do it as myself…:-)

2. If you could solve one of the world's major problems, which one would it be?

I really don’t know if I’m being selfish, but I’d start with the violence and corruption in Brazil. I absolutely LOVE my country, and I’m a very proud Brazilian. Our country has great potential but it has been distracted with the civil war that has taken over our land. We have millions and millions of people starving to death, homeless, with diseases, all those sad things…but the government is still taking the money that belongs to the nation to build hospitals, schools, better roads, and investing it all in their pockets. I wish we had a government that really cared about the Brazilian people. I do believe that the violence in Brazil may have started due to the lack of care from the government towards its people. It’s all linked together…

3. What one number would you put all of your money on, if you had to, playing roulette?

I like 9 a lot. When I used to play volleyball, 9 used to be my number (in the t-shirt). I’ve always liked 9.

4. What is the first thing you notice about someone that you find attractive?

I don’t really go for looks. I think a person to be attractive needs to have “that thing”. I don’t really know what “that thing” is, but for sure some people don’t have it… I guess that is sex appeal, maybe. They gotta have a charm in the way they walk, they way they look at you, they way they express themselves…I’m attracted to a person’s energy rather than their looks. They gotta be confident and intrigue me… But can I tell you a secret??? Although I really, really don’t care for looks, my boyfriend is definitely the hottest ever. I reckon he’s a cross between my old favourite Antonio Banderas and Richard Gere. Oh boy, he’s hot…tssss…

5. What is one thing that no one really knows about you?

I’m a very honest person, you see. I try to be as transparent as possible. However, I do believe I must have little secrets that people might not know about. I can’t think of anything at the moment, but if I did, I wouldn’t tell you, would I??? It’s a secret!!!!

That is heaps of fun!!! But now I’ll go back to my journalistic side (that almost never existed!!) and ask you a few questions. If you wish to join in and play, it’s fun!! I’ll write the question below and if you like to participate, just write them in your blog with the answers…

1. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?
2. What do you most love and hate about your best friend?
3. What would you like to change for ever on you partner/ex-partner?
4. Who would you turn gay/straight for and why? (That I took from Rove McManus)
5. What makes you want to disappear?

Come on...participate...
Beijos!!!

My day started…

2007-05-03T09:20:00.000+10:00

Not very well today.

I’m in the bus in this man in his early 40s sits right next to me. Five minutes later he says:

Man: “What I beautiful day!”

I look up to the sky through the bus window not very enthusiastic, and say:

I: “Umhhum…” but I think: “Duhhh!!! Your imbecile, we’re in Queensland, the Sunshine State!!! Every-single-day is fucking beautiful. If you’re going to use a pick up line to someone young enough to be your daughter at least use your age as an advantage and say something mature!!!” WTF???

In this same note, as in, how my day started, I had a dream with my ex-boyfriend. Don’t get excited!! It wasn’t anything juicy at all (Thank God!!!). We’re only friends. It could have been anyone else…

Back to the dream; we were having a phone conversation, him in Brazil and I was here (Australia). I was telling him how I’m soooo homesick. How I’ve been worried about things that have been happening in Brazil with my family, I miss everyone, I miss my culture, my summer, I wish I had met my nephew already, and I’m missing out on seeing him growing up etc. And he said:

He: “You’re doing all that because of a man????”

I: “Yeah, but I love him…(shit!!!). But that’s right, I’m doing all that because of man…”

What is this supposed to mean???

Today I think I’m bitter, angry, confused, impatient, sad and very, very, very FAT!!!

I hope you, out there, are having a better day…

It was Magical

2007-05-01T16:05:00.000+10:00

A magical moment happened to me last week. I promise it isn’t exaggeration. It was bloody magical!!!

Last Wednesday was a public holiday here in Australia, so Sharon and Ash (two lovely, lovely friends!! The only problem is that she’s black hahahahahahahah. I’m sooooo NOT racist, and I’m even darker than her, but she hates when people call her black, so I do it on purpose!! Sorry, back to the story…) came to pick me up and their tiny tinny (I like this combination of words) outside my place. I know, I know, I know… very posh!!! I live right in front of the river (off the topic again…)!!!

Ok, we are in the tiny tinny going up the Brisbane River. Apparently there are sharks in this river (as well as any other place in Australia where there is water. I always look inside the toilet before sitting down, just in case… hahahhahahhahha – I’m feeling sooo funny today!! Paulinha, tell the fucking story!!!). And as you know, I’m petrified of sharks. So we’re appreciating the view, the pelicans flying and landing on the river, other boats…there are heaps of cool stuff in the Brisbane River. Every now and then we saw something very, very interesting and Ash would slow down the engine so we could talk about it. The day was going very well until we stopped again…

Ash: Oh, oh, oh, look, look, look!!!!

Sharon and I: Where, what, what, what??? (I was going WTF??? WHAT, WHAT, WHAT??? I was a bit worried/scared for a split second)

Ash: A turtle

I: (sigh) Where???

Sharon: Where???

Ash: There…

Five seconds later people, five seconds only later I see this fin and then a fucking massive, mother fucker fish merging in the water…

I: OOOWWWW MMMYYYY GOOODDDDDD!!!!!!!!!! OOWWW MY GOD!!! It’s a FREAKING FUCKING MOTHER FUCKER shark.

Then I realised it was a dolphin…

I: OOOOWWWWW MMMYYY GOOOODDDDD!!!!! It’s a cute, cute dolphin, AAAHHHHHH!!!!! It’s gonna turn the boat, it’s gonna turn the boat!!!

Ash: SHUT THE FUCK UP woman!!!! Why the fuck is he gonna do that (Ash, always soooo patient!!)??

I: I dunno, I dunno, I’m scared, I’m scared!!!

Sharon: This is beautiful, beautiful, oh my God!!

So I came down, and started to enjoy it. He even brought a little buddy with him (I’m assuming they were guys). They spent a good ten minutes around the boat keeping us company. It was sooo beautiful and magical, despite my panic attack!!!

I really couldn’t get over this for the whole day. I really never saw something so special in my life. We reckon they followed the sound of the engine, and as we were going very slowly because we were talking, they got closer… it was magical!!!

Anyway, have a look at the photos below. It was magical!!!

Random, random…random!!!

2007-04-20T13:19:00.000+10:00

Today the bus was late. The guy with the John Lennon’s glasses, the shorts and the snickers with socks was at the bus stop. The latin-looking lady with the “I’m going to a funeral” look was there too, with the same outfit (maybe she works in a funeral service company or something…that’s it!!). In the way to work, a lady passed out in the bus!!! Man, that was scary!!! I thought she was having a seizure or something… thank God it was something small. She was conscious a few minutes later. The lady sitting right next to me had done a first aid course so she acted pretty fast. Everything happened very quickly…I was soooooo scared!!!

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I’m very, very sad about this whole shooting in America. But what pisses me of the most is the response of the American authorities on gun reforms in the USA… The NRA (The National Rifle Association) took no responsibility once again and claimed “they didn’t pull the trigger”. Ah!! Also that “guns don’t kill people, but people kill people.” WTF????

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Yesterday I had a very, very busy day at work. I arrived a bit earlier than the usual. My boss was flying out to Sydney for a meeting and she needed this document – we call it ‘the book’. It’s massive!! – ASAP. So I worked very hard to get it to her on time, and looking good. Well, as a good employee as I am, I got it done!!! Before she left, she came into my office with this yummy brownie from next door, and gave it to me. Now, tell me if she isn’t a sweetie?!?!?!? Although she didn’t need to do that, as I was only doing my job, I still valued her gesture. I think if every boss was appreciative of his/her staff, the world would be a happier place (thank God I don’t exaggerate!!!). And I am not talking about presents or yummy brownies. I’m just talking about a ‘thank you’ occasionally. Well, by being nice to me my boss gains a lawful, dedicated and very hard-working employee. I am not saying I’ll work here forever, but that she’ll have all my respect and consideration, that’s for sure!!!

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I did something yesterday that I had never done before; I went window-shopping for a ring. I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW!!! I’m looking very desperate to get married. And you can make fun of me as much as you like. But I won’t deny the fact that I can’t wait to tie the knot… wha-eh-var to you!!!
PS: I didn’t find anything that I like :(

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Today is Friday, oohhhhooo!!!!!! I have biiiggg plans for tonight. I’m stopping at a video store in the way home to grab a few fun movies. Then some alcohol (a girl needs her alcohol, specially on Friday night, hehehehehe) and go home to cook myself a yummy meal before the movie marathon starts. So far the list includes: Napoleon Dynamite, Zorro (Antonio Bandeiras is the hottest!!), maybe Pride & Prejudice and a few I’ll find in the way. Oh! I might throw a few Sopranos episodes there. I’m looking forward to it!!!

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I’ve been avoiding to call home (Brazil) for the last five days. In the last eight months, 80% of the time that I did call, I got depressed afterwards. I’m getting very sick of it. I just can’t handle this anymore…

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My car (read my babe's car) is dead!!! It's going to cost a very lousy eleven hundred dollars...bbbuuaaaaaa bbbuuuaaaaa...(that's my pocket crying!!!)

Letter to the father

2007-04-19T15:15:00.001+10:00

“Dad,

I know you aren’t a terrible person. In fact I think you are a good guy!!! I just think you’ve forgotten to be a good son to your parents, a good husband to your (ex)wife (mum) and a good father to your kids (my brother and I).

I don’t know if I can say I hate you, because most probably I don’t. I just wish you’d listen more, and never played ‘the victim’ in every single fucking game! I wish you’d be a team player and swim in the same current to us (not sure if this metaphor makes sense…).

Why aren’t you a bit more down to earth and realise that everything you’ve built so far was together with mum. And without her, you’d have done fuck all??? Why don’t you face your responsibilities and problems instead of always saying “Don’t tell me your problems, I’ve got enough to worry about already”???

Don’t you see that all you’ve been doing your whole life is push people away from you and hurt the people who most care about you??? I’m soooo tired of being disappointed by you. I just can’t handle this anymore!!!! When the fuck are you going to grow up???

Please, note one thing. MONEY is very good, but it isn’t all!!! My brother and I would rather a stable, responsible and caring father than a rich one!!

I’m also tired of the old bullshit “I work for my kids”, because by not accepting criticism and always getting pissed off if we make any suggestions prove that you don’t mean it. Do you really???

I wish you'd also leave this stupid pride aside and get back with mum. Not because I can’t live with separated parents or she’s desperate in love with you – a) I don’t live with my parents and b) mum is better off without you – but because we all know that she’s your balance and the brain of the relationship. Without her I’m sure you’ll end up giving your money (read my inheritance) to the first little bitch you come across.

Again, I’d like to say that I don’t hate you, I just don’t see you as a father. I know we have fun together, and we laugh at each other jokes, and you’re a very pleasant person to be around…but… (sigh)!!! I wish I could figure out what you mean to me and how I feel about you…

All I can think about at the moment is that you make me sad and you make me cry…”

GET UP!!!!

2007-04-02T16:36:00.000+10:00

It’s 7.20am and I’m getting the lift down to go to work. I walk up to the bus stop standing 50m away from me. I wait for another 5 minutes before the bus pulls over and collect a few of us passengers. Together with me, there is a guy who everyday is reading his book (I still don’t know which one that is), carrying his laptop bag on one shoulder, wearing his totally-out-of-fashion John Lennon’s sunnies, a pair of brown snickers, with grey socks and cargo shorts. The top is always short-sleeves checked shirt and the haircut is the same as the one my granddad had when he married my grandmother late 40s.

The short lady is there as well. She’s there everyday with us waiting for the bus. It’s always the three of us waiting. Sometimes we have other visitors… back to the lady. She looks very South American to me. Not really Brazilian, but she has a Venezuelan, Peruvian appearance to her. She wears the black skirt and jacket, with a black top inside – the “I’m going to a funeral” look. I wonder how she manages the Queensland heat under this outfit. She always has shit loads of make up on, a very big pair of sunglasses and very long (read ugly) fake nails. She always wears this open-back black shoes and a gold anklet. Bad, bad taste!!!

We get in the bus and that’s how my radar gets even more critical. I admit with no fear I’m a people’s watcher. I watch and observe every step, fashion sense (or non-sense) and behaviour. My favourite topic? EVERYTHING that involves people. And one thing has been in the back of my mind during my trips back and forth work. When should you stand up to give others your seat??? My mum always told me as a child to stand up for older people. Being a child, I almost didn’t have a seat, as pretty much every one taking public transport was older than me. Mum used to sit me and her lap so others could sit down.

I honestly don’t know if this was right or wrong by her, but I can’t help to agree with her, and I think the same way nowadays. I think that if you have a young child, you should make them stand up to let an adult sit down. Kids are full of energy and they don’t really do much, let’s face it. So they should either stand or maybe sit down on your lap. And I promise that it has nothing to do with them paying a cheaper fair than adults.

Also, I have to say it; adults should get up for elderly people. That’s how the cycle works. You get up for the one older than you. It drives me NUTS how everyday there is at least an older person standing in the bus while the pretty looking latest fashion queen and the bloody classy walking suit with Gucci sunnies (because that’s all they’re; an expensive look with nothing in the head!!) sit down looking pretty. Now you may ask, why don you get up??? Well, well my friend, I do every single time, when I can. But sometimes I’m right in the end of the bus and the older person is right at the front… I can’t yell out “oh, you!! Do ya wanna sit??”, can I??? But the princess and the walking suit are right there in front of the standing elderly, sitting right below the “RESERVED SEAT FOR ELDERLY PEOPLE” bloody sign, they can.

I’m sorry, but I don’t get it. Where is the respect?? Isn’t that enough that older people are already discriminated in the workplace, or neglected by their families, or struggle as it is with people trying to rip them off, they are physically disadvantages, and people still want them to stand up on the bloody bus?!?!??!?!? That, my friend, I don’t get!!!

The other day the bus was soooo packed and I spotted this guy – he wasn’t that old but just old enough to be offered a seat. He was very far from me so I couldn’t offer him the seat. And no one offered it either. As the bus was getting fuller, he kept walking towards the end of the bus and I was hoping he’d get closer to me. When he finally did, I offered him the seat and he was so appreciative of my gesture. He thanked me when I stood up, and again before I got off the bus. I was happy for that fella for having someone to offer him a bloody seat.

So think next time when you’re in a public transport, if maybe you should get up for someone who needs that seat more than you do.

Desperate hoping-to-be-housewife...

2007-03-23T09:23:00.000+10:00

Oh dear!! It has been a while… so many things happening (or maybe things I’ve been hoping to happen) at the moment that I haven’t written a chapter in my book for a long time…

I’ve been missing a lot having this book to write whatever I feel like…so many things to say, so many thoughts mixed together, and I don’t even know where to start.

When I started writing this chapter, a-minute-and-a-half ago, I was going to write about my daily bus trip to work. This is a story that has been going through my mind for a while now, but this will have to wait for next time as I feel like writing about something else…Ok, enough!!!! Straight to the point!!!

You know when you have a great partner, a great job (not perfect, just great!!), great friends, nice home, you’ve been saving money, all these good stuff??? Yeah!!! Welcome to my world, that’s me at the moment!!! But I’ve been feeling soooo empty lately!! Kind of incomplete!!!

Marriage is a topic that has been hunting me, for some reason, for the last 6 months or so. I always wanted to get married, I always wanted the commitment, the party, the honeymoon, the new home together, and when I met my babe, I knew he was the one!!! I left Brazil when I was only a baby (excuse me, 18 is a baby!!!), and I decided to not go back to my beautiful country (full of issues nonetheless, beautiful!!!) so I could be with that amazing man I had met somewhere in a crazy bar in London.

Well, things haven’t changed there. I’m still very much in love with that man, but I just feel like I’m ready, you know??? As this marriage conversation keeps coming towards my direction, more I think that maybe it’s my turn now. I feel that it’s time to be ‘us’ instead of ‘I’ and ‘him’.

And the crazy thing is that this thought has been taking all my mind-free time. If I am not doing anything, that’s all I think about… and this is actually driving me insane, and very upset as well. Insane because I don’t want to be the pushy girlfriend, but upset because I wonder if he actually wants to marry me ever.

The thing is, I don’t want to have to ask him or push or force him to do anything. I want this to come naturally, because he chooses to, and that’s what he also wants, rather than because I said so, you know?? But we’ve been together for 6 years, what else is he waiting for?? I don’t want to wait forever, in fact I don’t want to wait for another month, even!!!

I feel that my life is on hold at this stage waiting for him to make a decision. And that, I absolutely HATE!!! I’m a girl with her own opinion and I hate depending on people. But yeah, I think that’s why I feel empty; because I’m in that stage of my life that I need to take a step forward. And I really want it to be with him. I just need to know if he wants it or not, and if it is ‘not’, I guess I’ll have to take that step forward by myself and move on. Maybe go back home??? I actually have been thinking about that for a while as well. There is no point of being away from my family and culture if I am not going to be with my babe.

Why are guys so bloody difficult and undecided??? Why do women always have to push them for them to make a move??? Why all they think about is their jobs, and that bringing money and being the provider is doing a lot??? That’s soooo annoying…. And I also hate how this chapter makes me sound like a desperate hoping-to-be-housewife…not quite housewife, but you get the picture. So…enough!!!

I think I like Valentine’s Day…

2007-02-16T08:54:00.000+10:00

Happy belated Valentine’s Day everyone!!! I had a fabulous, fabulous day yesterday. I know heaps of people reckon that Valentine’s Day sucks. I don’t love it, but I don’t hate it either. And as I had a lovely day yesterday, I’m giving the credit to Mr Valentine…

So I just quickly tell you what happened yesterday (bullet point – I like that if you haven’t noticed, so shut up and read it!);

· Woke up, got ready and left home to go to work at the same time as usual. Took the City Cat (public transport – catamaran – that crosses the Brisbane River) instead of the bus. Because it’s such a pleasant way to get to work, everyone takes the City Cat in the morning. Result: 4 City Cats came by my stop but none actually stopped as they were absolutely full. I arrived at work an hour late. But I managed to keep myself very calm and I didn’t let it spoiled my day. I was in a bloody good mood!!!!

· As soon as I arrived at work, I had a quick chat to my lovely, lovely boss about my late arrival. She thought it was really funny. She’s great!!! Anyway, as I was in a good mood, I talked to her about changing my work title as the previous one wasn’t really make a good impression as well as I currently have better responsibilities than what the old title suggested. She nodded and gave me the thumbs up for the change. This is great, as I feel more appreciated, I’m a happier employee and I produce better… very smart move from her. And she didn’t even have to spend a buck to make me happy. Good on her for let me do it. In the same topic, I also changed my name. Oops!!! I hope it doesn’t sound too weird. Well, we both have the same name, so I suggested that I should be called Paulinha, instead of Paula. That’s a nickname given to me by family and friends, and I’d love to have people at work calling me that. She also gave me the thumbs up for that. So I created a new identity yesterday at work. The funniest thing is that I got heaps and heaps of phone calls from the staff at work asking how to pronounce it… they’ll get used to it.

· Next thing. I got a call from a very lovely lady saying that she wants to learn Portuguese (my first language). How cool is that?? I’ll get paid to chat to her a few hours a week. Extra money for me to shop!!! WORREY!!!!

· My arvo was ok. Nothing overly special. So let’s fast-forward it to dinner.

· Boyfriend, seafood pasta, Mad Fish (one of my favourite white wines), a movie, and a beautiful pair of black shoes given to me by my babe. We had such a lovely night.

Now, I’d like to say something in regards to Valentine’s Day. People bitch about it, saying that it’s too commercial. I think it’s a very fair comment. But I don’t think it has to be that way at all. I think Valentine’s Day can be a great idea. I think it’s another encouragement to people to do or make something extra special for their loved ones. I know, I know, you might say, but you can do this everyday that you want. But let’s be honest here, in this crazy world we live in nowadays, it’s a bit hard to be romantic. So, I’m glad I celebrated Valentine’s Day yesterday. And I hope to have a special day like that every year from now on.

Well, I hope you all had a special day yesterday. Happy belated Valentine’s Day

'I bitch' continues...

2007-01-30T14:28:00.000+10:00

A moment after I posted the previous post, I thought I might have a biiiggg bitch about myself and write down 10 things that are very bad about my personality.
It should be fun (yeah, right)!!!

1. I hate my anxiety. I make plans for everything months in advance, and most of the time I can’t sleep until the occasion comes. Imagine how well I usually sleep??? My baby gets angry with me because I annoy him waiting for answers to things that won’t happen for at least three months. He thinks I’m crazy!

2. I can’t say ‘no’ to people. This is something that actually drives me crazy about my personality. I always try to please everyone, I always try to solve everyone’s problems, I always try to assure everyone is happy and looked after, and many, many times I get fucked (excuse my language!) because of it. I hate, hate, hate, hate when I change my plans to adjust with someone else’s, and they call off or they choose to do something else instead. IT DRIVES ME NUTS!!!

3. I’m a very, very neurotic person!! I don’t really know what is the best way to explain this. Just read the link and you’ll understand it!

4.I don’t think I’m stubborn, but I have a very strong personality. I’m always open for discussion but if your point isn’t too convincing, tough luck!!! It’s just that I have my beliefs and it might be hard to convince me they’re wrong. I can imagine how annoying this can be for someone who is trying to get in agreement with me…

5.Because I like to articulate my opinion, and I might do it straight to the point, heaps of people think I’m rude. They might be right, I don’t know! I just know that whenever I feel comfortable (it might be often!), I say what I think!!!

6. People say I’m fiery. Ok, I’m fiery…

7. I take everything personally. If someone is rude to me, I think it’s my fault. I never think that it might be a possibility that they are stupid people and have issues… it is a huge floor in my personality. It affects my personal and professional life.

8. I hate that I have a very weird relationship with my dad. I hate that despite my anger towards him, and the fact that I despise 85% of the things he does, I still treat him very nicely every time I speak to him. It makes me feel very weak and powerless.

9. I can talk, I can talk and I can talk. My boyfriend says that very often I keep talking around, around and never get to the point… it’s boring!!! I hate when people do that, but I do it myself :(

10. I can bitch, I can bitch and I can bitch!!! See here

That would be great if you could also write down the list of things you hate about yourself or maybe someone else… come on, have a bitch!!!

I bitch or I, bitch !?!??!?

2007-01-30T13:31:00.000+10:00

Hi there!!! Long time no see...

Man, it has been a while since I came here to bitch about something… but funnily enough, I think I was away in the last few weeks because I was feeling soooo bitchy, but soooo bitchy that I thought I would end up frightening someone away from this blog. That is if any person in this whole world has nothing better to do than read my blog…

Anyway, I don’t know where my bitchness (the stupid Word dictionary is saying that this word doesn’t exist. My ass!!! I’m going to leave it here anyway… this is one of my main traits, it gotta exist!!) came from, but I was finding very hard to live with myself…

After going to Woodford, I think my bitchness got a bit worse. If something is bothering me, I just go “what the fuck with that shit??” or “fucking hell, I’m sick of this crap!!!” I know that’s not very nice for a lady to swear that much. And I know that I shouldn’t be using these bad words out loud for free like that. I should behave a bit more… (yeah right!!)

Another way in which my bitchness has gone very far is when it’s related to people. I’ve got this bad, bad habit of observing every single detail around me. I listen to people carefully, I observe their attitudes, their traits, floors, everything!!! And I have a great memory too!! I don’t do this in purpose. I promise it’s involuntarily. But it leads me to know people very well. I very often know what they are thinking (not exactly, but you get the picture!!) and how they would react in a particular situation. Through this process, I also get to learn their weakness (as we all have!!), and that’s when things get really ugly!!!

I don’t think I am not an accepting person. I think I’m a VERY, VERY accepting person. But maybe I lose my tolerance after a while or maybe I just get sick of pretending that people’s floors are not there…

I didn’t use to tell people what I think at all as a child. Then I grew up and started to do so. I don’t know if I do it as often as I should, maybe that’s why I choose to bitch instead.

And don’t get me wrong, I do the same with myself. I don’t actually bitch, but I make fun of myself and, most importantly, I accept when people are sarcastic at my expense. I’m talking about REAL sarcastic, not the bullshit sarcastic - “I’d like to be sarcastic but I’m too dumb to make the right joke”.
I don’t care if someone makes fun of something that I DO often, or something about my personality that is funny. But don’t come to me and make fun of something I’ve never done in my whole life though!!!

You know what?? I might just stop the bitching right here, right now and send a message to everyone who wants to hear (ops! read) what I have to say:

PEOPLE, I LOVE YOU ALL!!!! But no one, that is, no one is perfect!!!!! Everyone has their floors (I might be the one with the most down sides…). And I love to bitch about them!!!!! It makes me laugh, entertain myself, release my anger, I LOVE TO BITCH!!!

So that’s my message, that’s me!!! Take it or leave it!!! I bitch or I, bitch!?!?!

I’m no longer a virgin!

2007-01-04T16:47:00.000+10:00

Oh my God!!! I can’t even believe that I finally went through this experience. I’ve been waiting for this for soooo many years… but last week, after I came back from Melbourne, I did it at last!!! I went camping in Woodford for a week during the Folk Festival!!! That’s right, I had never been camping before. Yeah, duh!!!! I was talking about being a camping virgin, what did you think???

Let’s leave the dirty talk aside and let me tell you about my MARVELOUS experience. Although many may have doubted that I would survive a camping experience (of course I’d survive. I’ve been trough worse shit!), I not only survived, but I had a ball!!!

Firstly I have to say that the Woodford Folk Festival has just this energy about it. It has an amazing vibe, and you really can’t feel any negativity or anger in the air. There were heaps of families participating in the Festival. The contrast in the people in that place was very interesting to watch. I saw people from different background, age, fashion styles, different everything. Although Woodford felt like a very hippie festival (and it is!!), I could tell that we were all welcomed (I am definitely NOT a hippie!!).

The Festival is set up in a way making it looking like a small town. You’ll find little restaurant, bars, a bank (it costs a bit to take money out, but it’s still helpful), stores and all sorts of things. I think I could live there! I loved it that much that I definitely could live there (please keep in mind that I’m NOT a hippie!!).

The performances were just sensational!! There were dance and arts workshops, comedy, dance performance and music, heaps of music!!!! We had from blues to batucada (drums!) and from Indian Classic music to Aboriginal style. Everything was so fantastic!! The highlight of the Festival for me was Xavier Rudd. He’s a one-man band. The guy rocked!!! He played at least three instruments at the time. He’s really talented.

I couldn’t forget the Umbilical Brother either. That’s a comedy ‘group’ (consisting of two men) that makes everyone wet themselves. They don’t talk much. Instead, they perform and make sounds with the microphone to suit their movements. Does it make any sense??? For example, if they walk, they make the sound of the shoes hitting the ground. It’s bloody hilarious!!! Not the shoes hitting the ground but the whole performance. Whatever, I’m sure you get it!!!

The other highlight of the Festival was the camping itself. It was my first time and I really enjoyed it. It gave me the feeling of freedom, non-responsibility, and stress free, you know?? I even enjoyed the cold water (there was no hot shower). It kind of didn’t bother me.

In the New Year’s Eve, we all (a few thousand people) went to the main stage that was located in the bottom of a hill. The organisers of the Festival distributed candles earlier that night. Half an hour before midnight, we all started lighting the candles. Man, you could see the light slowly spreading through that hill. The place was a bit dark already, so it helped even more to provide the perfect and beautiful mood. For three minutes we all sat there in silence (there are always those idiots who feel the necessity to scream. Fuck’em!). Man, it gives me goose bumps just remembering this moment!!!

Well, that was my New Year’s celebration. It was amazing and that’s how I hope my year will be. Not only mine but yours as well. And how was your party??? Did you lose your virginity???

Happy New Year everyone!!!!

The thing about Christmas!

2006-12-21T16:19:00.000+10:00

In the last few days I’ve been very, very homesick. I’ve been missing my mum and my grandad the most. And I think as Christmas approaches, I miss them even more! Last night after a few failed attempts to sleep, I decided to call my mum to tell her how much I love her. Two hours later, I managed to say NOTHING!!!! I wish I could call my grandad to say I love him, but he has gone for a year and a bit now… but that’s all ok!!!

Well, I really want to use this post to say how I really feel about Christmas. And just to let you know, I’m writing this now under the influence of three pints of beer and half a bottle of wine, so I don’t know what you might read here…

Anyway, the topic is Christmas!!! I reckon that Christmas is good and bad. When I was very young, I used to LOOOOVE Christmas. Every year we used to have the party at my grandparents – our house. My mum and dad didn’t really have money to buy our own house, so I used to live with my grandparents, my uncle (mum’s brother), mum, dad and my brother. It used to be a bloody mess!!! But I always loved it!!!

My grandad was a very generous man, and I think I was his sweet heart (I don’t like to play favourites but my uncle’s favourite was my brother so I guess I can say without remorse I was my grandpa’s favourite one). Every year we used to have a fabulous HUGE Christmas party and he used to buy me heaps of cool presents. We always had a great feast, hundreds and hundreds of presents and all the relatives used to come over. Man, that used to be the highlight of my whole bloody year. My grandad was ok with money at that stage, so presents were in excess. I was very young, so I can’t deny that it was all I thought about…and after all, everyone seemed to always be having a ball as the food was great, the whole family was there and everyone got presents. That used to be the time when Christmas was bloody fantastic!!!

As the time went by, money became an issue. My grandad was having a few financial problems (as everyone always does in Brazil – a part from the corrupted politicians, which is another story). So the X-Mas parties weren’t that crowded anymore. There weren’t that many presents anymore. And being a young girl, for me that was a shock!!! All of a sudden Christmas didn’t seem to be that great anymore. And I have to say that it is too embarrassing. But that’s exactly how I felt. And I won’t ever forget the day that instead of having 40 relatives in my house for Christmas, there were only the seven of us. That was maybe one of the saddest times of my life!!! So that’s when Christmas started to suck for me…

After that year, I cried a week prior Christmas every year without stoping. I didn’t know exactly the reason for the tears. And now that I don’t care about the presents, I think that I cried not because of the lack of money to buy presents, but because I realised that the relatives that I loved so much weren’t going to spend that special night with me. I realised that Christmas wasn’t about all those presents. Christmas was about having the family together laughing together, joking about each other, having that smile in my grandad’s face because the house was full of people…

Nowadays I still feel that Christmas is kinda sad. And, even though my grandad isn’t here anymore, he still plays a HUGE part in my Christmas. But not for the present, but for the happiness he brought into my heart all the time he lived!!!!
Well, I think that’s the thing about Christmas. It’s good and bad. It’s happy and sad. It’s family and individual time. So that’s how I feel.

I miss my family sooo much, and Christmas is kinda of important to me.

Sorry about the melancholic post. But that’s the thing about Christmas…

Merry Christmas!!!!

Quick note!

2006-12-13T16:38:00.000+10:00

Hi, hi!!! I’ve been missing sooo much sitting in a chair and spending my whole day reading blogs. Oh yeah!!!! Believe me, after I started my new job I haven’t had much time to visit you guys. I’m sorry!!!

Well, but as I was saying, I started my new job this week and it has been so much fun. I don’t think I should be giving you many details about it for a few reasons (which don’t include you, I promise!!!), but I’d like to say that so far so great!!! I love the team and the environment, and I think it’s just in the perfect industry for me. And it seems like I’ll be as busy as hell very soon, just how I like it!!! It’ll be very different to my previous ‘glamorous’ job. Wish me luck!!

But before I go, I’ll just let you know what happened in my X-Mas party in my ‘glamorous’ job last Friday, which was by coincidence my last day as well. We went to a Turkish restaurant, and the food was really yummy!!! They have belly dancing performances usually in the weekends but in this time of the year, they have it more often. Anyway, the dancer goes around picking random people to dance with her. Guess who she picked???? Of course it had to be me, huh??? But that’s ok because I can be a bit of a show off sometimes and I know that shaking my ass is one of the things I know how to do best. I’m Brazilian for God's sake!!!

In the end of the night the Director made a speech to thank me for my good effort and dedication. I was pretty touched, as it was the first time someone had a speech to thank me, and I was there for only five months!!! I also had to do a speech. It was a bit weird but as I’ve just mentioned before, I’m a bit of a ‘shower’ so I didn’t really care. I actually enjoyed it!!! In the end of the night they gave me a BEAUTIFUL orchid flower. Man, that was NICE!!!! Do you know how precious and expensive orchids are??? Anyway, even if it was cheap, I love it!!! They gave me another present and a big card, where everyone signed.

Aren’t they lovely??? God bless them… I think I deserved it after all. I’m a good employee.

Well, that’s it for me. Tomorrow is the BIG day… my partner’s admission is on!!! Thank God I won’t get drunk (yeah, right!!!).

Beijos people!!!

Today I'm feelig blah!!!

2006-12-09T20:33:00.000+10:00

In fact, I’ve been felling blah for the last four days. Honestly, I have not a clue why the hell I feel that way.

Since my HUGE shopping spree, I’ve been feeling kinda empty… What the hell???? Shopping used to be my best therapy, and the more I spent, the happier I got. Although, in these old days, it used to be mum’s money we were shopping with, not mine!!!!

There are sooo many good things happening with me at the moment and I’m steel feeling that way. Please God, tell me how to fix this blah feeling in my heart…

I thought that maybe a useful strategy for me to feel better would be sharing with you the good things that have been happening with me lately. So here I go (bullet point is easier for me to organise my thoughts and I guess it keeps the blog dynamic, so don’t complain, shut up and like it!):

• Today is my last day at my ‘glamorous’ job. As I said a few times, the problem isn’t the place but the boring role. Anyway, my workmates have told me they were very happy to have me around and they really wish me the best. I had people calling me from the Melbourne office (people I’ve never met before but I used to work with via phone/email all the time) to wish all the best and thank me for my help and efficiency (see???? I’m a good worker!!! To you all suckers who chose not to employ me when you had the chance).

• I have a new job where I’ll start on Monday. It isn’t EXACTLY the job I’ve been dying for but I think it’ll be very challenging, busy and it’ll teach me a lot. Well, that’s what it looks like and that’s what I’m hoping for…

• I spoke to my mum last night, and for a loooooong time I hadn’t heard her voice being so lively and happy (I’ve told you before my mum has been depressed for two years). She sounded soooo great, just like in the old times!!! I’m sure she isn’t 100%, but I think she’s much, much better… I MISS her like fucking hell!!!!!!

• My boyfriend is getting admitted to become a solicitor (I’ve told you this too), after five bloody years of Law studies. Oh dear, I’m glad he has survived to this boring, long and difficult journey. I’m so proud of him and his efforts. I’m also proud of the man he is and proud of myself for hooking up with someone so beautiful, supportive (even with my shopping) and gentle!!!! Love you bebe!!!

• My future lovely father-in-law (hopefully), gave me a trip to Melbourne for X-Mas (air fares and accommodation). So babe, his dad (future father-in-law, hopefully again!!) and I are spending five days shopping, pigging our ass off, drinking and watching cricket (that isn’t really the highlight of the trip in my opinion but that’s a different story…). It should be a blast!!!

You see!?!?!?!??!?! These are all good things that have been happening in my life at the moment and I still feel very, very shitty… but why???? I feel soooo lonely even though this week I went out for dinner with a new friend, got drunk and danced Brazilian music (many may not find that as interesting as I do, but…) under the full moon. Even though my babe has been very patient with me for the last few days after I screamed at him. Even though my beautiful best friend cooked a yummy salad for me during my lunch break today. Even though all these good things are around me, I still feel blah, shitty and lonely.

AND THAT’S NOT FUCKING PMT!!!!!! Don’t say that, I know it looks like it but it can’t be because my period is coming only in two weeks time. AND THAT’S TOO MUCH FUCKING INFORMATION ALREADY!!!!

You see?!?!??!? What’s going on here??? Sorry about the shouting but I need to let it out. Please someone help me out of this shit…

I shopped till I dropped!!!

2006-12-04T11:07:00.000+10:00

Hello everyone!! Today is Monday, and as a full-time worker, I have to say this isn’t my favourite day of the week. I hate to think that I still have 4 days ahead of me until I get two days off… :(

I had a great weekend though!!! My babe is getting admitted in the bar (I don’t know if that’s how you say this exactly. He’ll be admitted as a solicitor) in a week, and we are having a big party to celebrate. As I’m the first lady (ha!!!), I really want to look outstanding!! So that’s how my weekend became great!!!

I convinced him to come shoe shopping with me on Saturday, as I’ve already bought the dress for the admission party. There is this great outlet here in Brisbane, close to the airport with heaps of good brands with reduced price. Oh yeah!!!

He was super patient with the whole getting IN and OUT of every single bloody store, but as I know him sooooo well, he was getting very bored (and I think it’s fair enough!!!). Yeah, and I was getting very frustrated, as I wasn’t finding bloody anything. So an hour (only!!!) later, after a jacket and small little boring top, we decided to leave.

I was very, very frustrated as I usually go to this outlet with B, spend 3-5 hours shopping, and leave with at least 10 bags. But not Saturday, noooopppp!!! So I had to fix this problem. I still had the whole Sunday to be able to find this pair of shoes to go to the party.

I was determined to go back on Sunday, hopefully with my beautiful crime (ops!), shopping partner B, and sort this shit out!!!!

I was very excited after B agreed to come, and help me with my hunt to get a pair of shoes. B and I got up in the morning, put on our shopping gear (it consists of comfy shoes and easy to put on and take off clothes to easy the whole trying new outfits process) and we headed to the outlet. Man, it was FUN!!! We got there at 12pm and we had a quick bite to eat. Then the hunt started…4-and-a-half hours later (and a couple of hundred dollars less), I finally got the shoes for the admission party. But not only that!!! I got a perse (mine was old and almost black. It used to be red), pair of pants, a belt (red. Everyone NEEDS a red belt!), a red pair of shoes because I don’t have any (only two) like the ones I bought and a handbag. Ah!!! I also bought a X-Mas present for my babe’s auntie who I LOVE very much!!! B got a dress, two tops and a pair of red shoes as well. I’m telling you, girls NEED red shoes, belts, handbags. Red is THE colour!!!

My biggest excitement of the whole day though was when I got home. Babe was watching the Cricket (there is a very important competition happening here in Australia at the moment), and as soon as I arrived he asked me to see everything I had bought. And although I was feeling a bit shitty as I spent so much money, he was absolutely supportive of my shopping. He said I needed every single thing I bought and he loves the shoes I bought for his party. Man, I LOVE this man!!!! I feel so lucky that he always supports me but he still tells me when I’m wrong. I’m so lucky to have him!!!

That was my great weekend. By the time I got home, my back was so sore and I was exhausted!!! I definitely shopped till I dropped… in bed!!!!

Ops!!!! Intruder…

2006-11-30T16:13:00.000+10:00

Man, ha!! Listen to this. I usually go home for lunch everyday. Yesterday after I had lunch, I heard someone dropping something off under the door. I went to check it out and there was a letter from the building carer saying something in these lines:

“I’m so sorry for the intrusion this morning. I thought you were aware of my visit. Even though I thought you were informed, I still knocked the door several times before entering the unit. I also shouted ‘hello’ all the way down the stairwell blah blah blah…”

The letter was a bit more formal than that, put you get the picture. Well, I was a bit confused and curious at the same time when I saw this letter. I was at work in the morning, and I kept wondering if a stranger did come into the unit while I was away. I kept thinking if this carer actually had been in our unit, what the hell was he doing there??? We didn’t receive any note saying they need to inspect the unit or anything like that.

Anyway, I left the note on the table but I was going to ask my flatmate if she knew anything about it once I got back from work. And that’s what I did:

Me: “B, have you seen this note??? What the hell went on this morning???”
B: “What note??? Let me see…”

(Pause for her to read it)

B: “hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha”
Me: (thank God I am not curious) “What, what, what???? Tel me, tell me, tell me…”

Well, it turned out that the carer definitely came in this morning, and she had company in her bedroom. Meanwhile, this carer nutcase comes in, knocks the unit door and no one hears him (of course – when we have company in our bedroom, we don’t hear anything that is outside the bedroom, right??). Then he decides to get into the unit anyway. Then he goes downstairs, where our bedrooms are, and goes straight to B’s room. Then he knocks the door however, he opens it straight way... Guess what he found???? tchan, tchan, tchan, tchan!!!!!! An alligator eating a bird!!!!!!

He was so embarrassed!!!! He closed the door straight away and raced to the door trying to get the hell out of the unit as quick as possible.

Man, how awful for him and for B and her ‘friend’. We still don’t know what the hell he was doing in our apartment, and that’s something I really want to know. We didn’t get any note saying he was coming around, and I don’t think he should have entered the house at all without one of us opening the door for him.

Well I hope it teaches him a lesson…

Stupid Bureaucracy

2006-11-23T11:57:00.000+10:00

My Brazilian drivers licence expired late October, so I’ve been in the process of getting my Queensland one. Man, I’ve never seen so much bullshit in my whole life. To start with, because I’m Brazilian, and Brazil is not a first world country (that isn’t what they say, but I KNOW!!!), I have to go through the same process is a person who has never driven before. So I have to do a written test to get a learners licence and if I pass I can book the driving test to get the permit licence. And you may be asking “but the traffic in Brazil is in the other side of the road comparing to the Australian”. Good point!! But the Americans, or Swiss or Canadians (the first world countries), they all drive in the same side of the road as Brazil, but yet they don’t need to go through all the hassle that we do (fucking racists!!!).

Now, listen to this crap!!! If I DIDN’T have a licence at all, I would walk there (to the Transport Department) and say:

Me: “Hi, I’m here for a written test”.
Bitch (she is the bitch who assisted me): “Great! Can I please have 2 IDs, proof of address and 17 bucks, thanks?”

Then I’d do the fucking test and if I passed they’d take a picture and give me the licence straight away.

But because I have a Brazilian licence, the nightmare starts. First of all, I have to have it translated by a reputable institution that they choose. However, even if I have this perfect translation I still can’t drive in Australia for more than three months with the Brazilian licence (even if it hadn’t expired!). The thing is, I don’t have this fucking translation. But who cares, I thought that as a resident of Australia I have the fucking right to go to this fucking Transport Department and just do the test. If I pass, I should sit my ass in the chair, taking a picture and piss off with my stupid learners licence.
But NOOOOOOOOOOO, that isn’t what happens in this country. After I passed the test, that’s what happened:

Bitch: “Can I please have you Brazilian licence with the appropriate translation?”
Me: “Why?”
Bitch: “Because you have a licence already so I can only give you the learners if you give me you Brazilian licence with the appropriate translation”.
Me: “WWWHHHHAAAATTTT????????????? So, what would have happened if I arrived here and said I had no licence at all, would you give me my learners now???”
Bitch: “Yes!”
Me: “WWWWHHHHHHAAAAATTTTT??????”
Bitch: “But you chose to be honest so now you get fucked as you won’t get you licence until you bring me a proper fucking translation of you useless Brazilian licence that you aren’t allowed to use in this country anyway. So, by the end of the day, your useless Brazilian licence is only useful to put you in trouble and make your life in Australia hell!!!!!”
Me: “AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (That’s a very loud scream)”

I mean, the last part of the conversation I came up with. The bitch didn’t really say that but it is exactly what the deal is. My Brazilian licence is not an advantage when I want to use it here. However, when it is absolutely unnecessary, they decide that my licence is the major element for me to get an Australian licence.

Man, it drove me mental!!! I love driving. That’s the thing I most love in this whole world. But now I have to wait until I get my licence translated to get a learners licence that I’d have gotten if I didn’t have a Brazilian licence at the first place.

Sometimes I hate this country….

YES, I’m a friendly-neurotic!!!

2006-11-17T12:33:00.000+10:00

Well, it might sound crazy but I’m a self confessed friendly-neurotic!!! This is something that I don’t try to hide from people, but I don’t usually go around promoting it either. The reason why I don’t mind admitting it is that I don’t think my neuroses affect anyone (yeah, right!!!). So that’s why I named this little thing friendly-neuroses. So I thought I might dedicate this blog to all the friendly-neurotics around. If you are out there, and you feel like you’re a bit neurotic about little things that don’t affect anyone else but yourself, please come out of the closet and join me!!!!

But please note; I’m seriously talking only about those people who DON’T drive others crazy with their nonsense. So, to illustrate this a bit better to you, I’ll give you a few examples of my friendly-neuroses and you see if you fit in:

• I only change pyjamas when I change the bed sheets.

• I can’t wash tea towels or bathmat together with my own clothes.

• Under no circumstances I use the bathroom towel to go to the beach. I have to have a beach only towel.

• I can’t get changed without having a shower first. If I’m changing clothes, I have to have a shower before.

• I have clothes to go to uni, clothes to go to work, clothes to go out. They are all different and they live separately in my wardrobe. I can’t wear the jeans to go clubbing for a lunch in the park. That’s impossible!!!

• I hate when the cleaner at work move my things on the desk around (pencil case, stapler, these unimportant stuff) and he doesn’t put it back in the exact same place.

• I hate when people buy things they will NEVER use, even if it costs 5 bucks. It isn’t about the money, it’s about the attitude!!!!

• I can’t chuck food away. So if I cook something that I can’t keep (salads, fish etc), I pig myself until I bust instead of being a normal person and just throwing the left over in the bin.

• It drives me NUTS when people at my ‘glamorous’ work print stupid and unnecessary things in normal paper. People, if you’re printing a recipe for you bloody wife to cook it for you, please print it in a recycle paper. PLEASE USE THE RECYCLE PAPER!!!!! And I promise I am not an environmentalist freak, I promise!!!

• I don’t like people driving my car (er, my boyfriend’s car). It isn’t that I don’t trust people’s driving skills, but I’m just neurotic!!!

• I’ve just opened an internet banking account (after a few good years resisting it) two weeks ago because I don’t have time to go to the bank to deposit my rent anymore. I used to go to the bank every single week to take money out of my bank account and then walk to another bank to deposit it into my land lord’s account. It used to be like that because I hate computers and technology and above everything else, I DON’T TRUST THEM!!!

• I have a HUGE key ring, and my babe hates it. So if he needs my keys, he leaves half of my key ring behind. It drives me mental!! He thinks I’m crazy, I call it a friendly-neurotic.

• I never wear black and brown together, NEVER!!!

• I find it very, very hard to write without using heaps of !!!!!! or ????, as you may notice in my posts… I feel that if I don’t do it, I am not expressing myself properly.

Well these are just a few things that I can remember at the moment. Do you think you fit in under the friendly-neurotic category??? If you do, welcome!!! And maybe let me know about you friendly-neuroses stories.
Beijos e tchau!!!!

Is this fear, craziness or what???

2006-11-16T17:05:00.000+10:00

It has been five days since we came back from Straddie Island. I think I had told you that I organised a surprise for my babe last weekend. I kidnapped him for a weekend way, just the both of us. It was absolutely marvellous!!!!

On Friday morning, I woke up a bit earlier than the usual to pack his and my stuff. I was so anxious the whole day waiting for the time to come to pick him up from work… I had to tell him that I had plans for our Friday night as he had a work function to go to, and he always attends them. But the good thing was that he thought the surprise involved only the Friday night. It didn’t occur to him that we were going to be away for the whole weekend. He actually thought we were going to the Pearl Jam concert that was on, here in Brisvegas (I really wish we got tickets for that!).

Anyway, he was very, very happy with the surprise and we had a fabulous weekend with a lot of food, alcohol and sun baking involved. I have to say that, although I got an AWESOME bikini line (us Brazilians – boys and girls - really like that white bikini shape on the body after baking hours under the sun, very weird hey??), but I’m quite hurt at the moment… it looks good though! We should do some sacrifices to look hot sometimes…

During the weekend though, I was very, very worried about the sharks that inhabit the Australian beaches. I promise I don’t want to scare anyone, and always when I talk about it here, people make fun of me. But I’m PETRIFIED of sharks. And they live bloody everywhere in Australia, rivers, channels, beaches, you name it. And what people don’t understand is that I am not scared of dying, I’m scared of having one of those animals serving themselves with a few bits of me (legs, feet, a hand – or two - , arm) but keeping me alive and making me live with the pain and the loss. Not even mentioning the terror of coming across one of them in the water, where they are five zillion times faster then me, having to look straight into their teeth. Believe me, you won’t ever meet anyone who fears sharks more than I do! Well, why am I telling you this story again? Ah! To tell you that my babe wasn’t allowed in the water without me (funny!! Not the other way around) just in case a shark was around. I’d be too worried about him. Imagine if a shark actually came?? And he was there by himself??? Know that I’d make a difference…ah!! Forget it!!! It’s too hard to explain why my almost thirty-year old boyfriend wasn’t allowed in the water without me. Also, both of us were only allowed to have a very, super quick deep in the water… so the sharks wouldn’t bother with us.

Now that I’m actually writing about this fear I have of sharks, I’m starting to realise that I’m very, very crazy!!! Do you also want to know one of the prerequisites for me to get into the water in an Australian beach? I need heaps of people around. My babe asks me why, considering that if a shark comes no one will be able to help anyone…and my answer is (and I try very hard to believe it!) that they will get distracted by so many people that they will leave me alone. There are always a few people that are swimming further away from the shore than I am. Man, this is sick!!!!

Throwing a few thoughts in the air

2006-11-10T10:54:00.000+10:00

There isn’t much I want to write about today but there are a few thoughts I’d like to share…

I’m so excited that, for the first time ever, I’m taking my babe to a romantic weekend away. I never could afford it before, and he’s always surprising me (I LOVE surprises!!) and being very nice to me, so I thought now is my turn to be lovely to him. I’m taking him to a small Island in the south-east coast of Queensland.

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Last night I couldn’t sleep much :( I’ve been so addicted to a few bloggs that I’ve been reading, and they are so inspiring, that I kept waking up, but kinda of being half asleep, thinking of these bloggs and what I could write to make mine more interesting… I love reading and amusing myself with some excellent bloggs that are out there.

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I spoke to my mum last night and she sounded much better. I haven’t told you this yet but she’s been depressed for two years now, I think. But she had always been up and down. In the last three to four weeks though, she was absolutely shit!!! I mean, she was crying pretty much everyday, talking nonsense, very depressed. For me it’s very hard as I live a few continents away from her, and I can’t help her much. It’s strange, and very bloody difficult to see (hear, I mean) her that way. She’s always been my strength, my balance, she always encouraged me and took care of me. And now she is so lonely, fragile, weak, depressed!!!

She wants to come over to stay with me for a while. But I don’t think it’s a good idea, as she doesn’t speak a word in English, and she’d feel even lonelier here, as I have to go to the ‘glamorous’ work everyday (as in week day).

It’s a different thing here compare to home. There she is in her own habitat, and even though she hasn’t been that great, at least there are people there that she can talk to. I guess I say these things to myself to make me feel better. I hope you don’t think I’m a selfish bitch who prefers to leave her mother suffering instead of sacrificing her freedom. Am I that bitch??? Am I really doing that to preserve my freedom??? Well, I don’t actually think so. I love mum more than anyone else in this world. She’s my hero and I’m doing this for her own good. But where was I going with this blog again??

Ah!!! I remember now… I was saying that I spoke to her and she sounded much better. A good friend of hers (who lives in another city), came over to visit mum. I think that’s why she is happier. Think all mum wants now is a bit of attention and companionship. So good on her friend who can bring mum this happiness. I actually ask mum just before I was saying good-bye, “please be happy like that for a while. I’m proud of you and I love the sound of your happy voice. I missed this. Please be well and happy again.” Sigh!!! I’m suffering with this…

Melbourne Cup...go,go,go!!!!!

2006-11-07T11:37:00.000+10:00

Today we have a HUGE horse race Carnival here is Australia. Every year they hold this event on the first Tuesday of November. It’s heaps of fun!!! The boys get all dressed up in charming suits or sometimes they choose to be a bit funny and more creative, and they try colourful suits or sometimes costumes (I'm trying to upload a photo to show you but blogg has been a bitch and it won't let me). The girls go through heaps of trouble to look amazing! And most of them do it very well. They all wear very posh hats and the most attractive dresses. Every year they have a contest to see who has the most beautiful outfit of the day.

This event is called Melbourne Cup, and of course you can tell by the name, that’s held in Melbourne (ddduuhhhhh!!!!!). The whole country stops at 2pm (and in a few states at 3pm) to see the 24 horses racing, trying to collect the main prize, which I don’t know exactly how much, but I think it’s around one million Aussie dollars.

Not being an Aussie myself, I have to say that in my first year in Australia, I was chocked with the Australians’ obsession with horse racing, and with the Melbourne Cup in particular. Even the few people who don’t gamble normally (there aren’t too many of them here in Australia), make sure they make their way to a TAB (I don’t know what the name stands for but I know it’s a kind of a betting bank full of smelly people, wearing some weird clothes etc) to place their bets.

Here at my ‘glamorous’ work, we had a sweep. So I got the list of all the 24 horses and wrote them in a paper so we could gamble a bit and have some fun. So each one of us got the chance to pick at least two papers out of the hat, and for each horse you get, it costs two dollars. So I collected AU$48, and the person who picked the winner (horse) will score AU$40. And the person who picked up the loser, the last horse to come, will get AU$8. That sounds good. At least once in a while the loser gets to win something…

Well, but what I thought was quite funny is the fact that we are all having a bbq this arvo, and the company is providing the food and the alcohol. But the boss MADE SURE that everyone knew that partners weren’t allowed in. But guess who is coming??? His wife!!! Also, when we were doing the game with the horses, everyone picked two horses only to make sure everyone would have at least two options. He came in running, saying that his wife was coming so he could pick four horses. It kinda of pissed me off, as I had to have only two horses in the end while the only partner allowed in the bloody bbq had her two.

Now, I have to say that I'm happy about one thing. He picked four very shitty horses, so even though he has more chances to win than everyone else, he still is going to lose. Hehehehehehehe… I’m keeping records of every horse each of us picked and he is so disappointed that he got shitty horse that he wrote down under his name in the record (I didn’t see him doing it. I just know it’s his hand writing!) the name of the four best horses... What a nut case??? He should be happy that at least he’ll have his partner at the bbq to cry with when one of us gets the first prize!

Go, go go horses!!!!! Good luck to everyone!!!!

Thank God for the ‘pregnant woman top’!

2006-11-01T11:41:00.000+10:00

I’ve been feeling very, very fat lately. My friends keep laughing at me when I say that because they reckon I’m just crazy! Well, I tell you. When I was in high school, all I wanted was put on some weight. I was skinny and very tall, so not many guys were interested in me (I still don’t know how I managed to kiss a lot during high school…). I come from a place where big bums, nice worked out legs and small waist are the bomb!!!

Yeah, now I cynically say that I have to loose some weight. But I DO!!!!!! I’m still tall, I still have the long and skinny legs, but my tummy, oh boy, my tummy isn’t looking its best. I used to love wearing my small tops, and showing off my ribs (there wasn’t much skin in that time!). But know all I can wear is the pregnant woman tops, you know the ones that are tight around the breast but they get loose from there downwards? Thank God for the pregnant woman top!

So, to solve this problem, my boyfriend and I started a diet together. It isn’t really a proper diet, it’s more like healthy eating. We’ve been eating fish, veggies and salad, instead of my old favourites (burgers, pizzas, junk food!). It’s going well, although we only started it five days ago.

Now, the next step is the exercises. PAIN, PAIN, PAIN!!! I was dieing to do kick boxing as I think it’s great for girls to know how to defend themselves, and be able to kick some asses. We went to check out the place but the babe wasn’t very happy with the idea. He said that the gym was full of men with high level of testosterones, WHAT???????????????????????????? Hahahahhahahahhahahhahahha… how funny is that? Who would say something like that?

The bottom of the story, he convinced me that he would help me with the boxing exercises by training me himself. He bought the boxing gloves and off we went for the first session last night in the park. I have to say, it was great, but ouch!!! After a few good years being so sedentary, I’m in absolutely PAIN!!! My arms hurt, my legs, my abs, everything!!!

I hate exercising! I wish I could just blink my eye and make it happen. I would like to have muscly legs, a six-pack and I would LOVE to be able to wave good buy without having to hold the skin hanging from my arm…PAIN, PAIN,PAIN!!!!

Chapter 3: How to enjoy life?

2006-10-30T11:03:00.000+10:00

Does anyone there have the secret to enjoy a healthy and beautiful life? When I say healthy, I don’t mean boring! I mean enjoy a life full of happiness, smiles, parties, companionship, friends, love, passion, lust, all these things…
I wonder sometimes if I enjoy life as much as I should, I wonder if I actually LIVE my life it all.
I envy (in a positive way) those people who are so young (or at least my age) and they’ve been in so many different places in the world, or they are passionate about a particular sport, or a band, a festival or whatever. I’m so scared sometimes to turn 40 and say that I haven’t done much with my life.
It’s funny though as I left home when I was 18 years old and I’ve been living in a different country for four-and-a-half years. I’m sure there will be people saying that I have done heaps already. But you know when you look back and you don’t have that many stories to tell?
I’m so scared that one day, when I have my kids, and they ask my friends “what was mom like when she was young?” And they go like: “well, don’t really have much to say…” That’s a scary thought!
So, how do I enjoy life? Bettina and I always talk about how important it is for someone to have passions, and that is what makes a person be interesting. But what are my passions? What am I crazy about? I think that after all, although I always try to be everywhere, doing everything, I ended up doing nothing and just living one day after the other…
I don’t know! I should be grateful for my life (and I guess I’m), but I just wish I could live my dreams, make them happen. Do you enjoy your life?

I'm so proud of her!!!

2006-10-05T16:01:00.000+10:00

I know this might sound weird, but I had to write about what just happened a few minutes ago! My best friend just sent me an email to say she is one of the three finalists for the Queensland Media Awards for best Journalism student.
How cool is that??? It’s also awesome the feeling that, even though we studied together, the same major, and she is a clever little thing, while I was just an average student, I can still share this great joy with her. I’m so proud of her!!!! She is not only beautiful, funny, baladeira (someone who party hard) and so much fun, she’s also very INTELIGENT.
You go girl!!! You ROCK!!!! And it was so funny how she said, “I don’t think I’ll apply for it, it’s too much hassle!” And now, here she is, the finalist!!!!
I’m so proud of you babe! Good luck!

Chapter 2: Friends, the family we choose...

2006-09-19T17:32:00.000+10:00

Isn’t this saying great??? “Friends, the family we choose!” But I couldn’t agree more!!! Last night I had two friends coming over to my place in one of those ‘last moment’ things (which I absolutely love, by the way!!! I love spontaneous behaviour!!!), and we had some dinner and wine.
After a few glasses, we started talking about our friends back in our home country. In my case, all my friends at home go back to the ancient time. Not that I’m that old, but most of my best friendships started back in primary school…and, despite the distance between us, we still love, care and think of each other a lot.
But who doesn’t have that friend who we used to love to spend heaps of time with, but now we just CAN’T STAND them???
Well, I do, I do and I do. I have (had) this friend who is ABSOLUTELY spoiled. She drives me MAD!!!! Don’t you hate spoiled people???? The ones who, when you’re having a discussion (or an argument) they will speak up their mind and walk off on you. You just stand their frustrated because they were stupid (immature) enough to not let you share your opinion. Or how about, when they get frenetic and rude to you because you disagree with something they say. They also cut you off when you are having a very interesting talk with someone else to tell you a plain joke, and when you don’t laugh at it they say “You’re boring!!!!” Ooohhhh dear, I hate spoiled people!!!! There is nothing worse for a person to be. I’m exaggerating, I know. But that’s a pretty bad thing.
Well it turned out that I kind of got rid of her. As in, all the time I go back to my home country, I barely see her because she doesn’t hang around with my friends anymore. They can’t stand her either hehehehehe… I know that’s mean. But did she ever let anyone tell her that she wasn’t being a very nice person and she would miss out??? No, she DIDN’T!!! So face the consequences.
I actually felt sorry for her once when we were all in a friend’s wedding, and we started talking about how awesome the Hen’s party had been, until she realised (so did we) that she was the only one in the table that hadn’t been invited for it. How sad!!!
Well, I don’t know why I dedicated the second chapter of my book to this person who I don’t even like much. I guess it was actually to remind myself of how much I love my real friends, the unspoiled ones. Also to use this opportunity to say to you all that I love you very much and you all have a HUGE place in my heart. I definitely have chosen you to be my family.

Chapter one: Is life always beautiful???

2006-09-14T11:30:00.000+10:00

Hello!!! I finally left my laziness aside and decided to write my first chapter in the Open Book.
Well, I believe the first chapter is the key to hook you or not as a reader so I was thinking wether to have a beautiful, colourful start or if I actually should right about how I really feel at present…
For the happiness or sadness of my readers to be (if there is actually someone reading this), I decide to right about my boring and discontent moment in my life.
Before I make you go any further, just be aware that I really hope this Open Book isn’t going to be all about my melancholic phase…
Routine, I think that’s one of the problems hunting me at the moment. The funny thing is I’m not talking about routine in a relationship (poor thing. I can’t blame my beautiful boyfriend for this). I’m talking about waking up everyday at the same time, having a shower, having breakfast (which is also the same everyday) and driving to work.
Then, that’s my ‘favourite’ part: do LITERRALY nothing at work. To be very honest, I think that’s my real problem at the moment. I think I’m going absolutely nuts for the fact that I spent three-and-a-half years studying Journalism to become a PR person, to work in TV or to work in a big company developing their communication strategies, but instead I’m a receptionist in a very, very small company that barely gives me any work to do.
I feel like I’m so ready to face this famous and so competitive working world, but I’m here, setting in my desk, writing my first chapter because I have nothing else to do. Please don’t get me wrong. I love to come here to update my blog, and keep you informed, but I’d much rather to do this is a hobby, as a stress relief from my busy day, which at the moment I DON’T HAVE!!!!!
Please dear reader, tell me what is the secret to get that dream job??? I know it won’t happen suddenly, but I just feel sometimes that it’s taking to long for it to happen to me!!!
And I’m sure someone out there, at some stage of their life, has felt the same way I feel right now. But I know what I’m going to do. I’ll leave you here now (I promise I’ll come back soon with my chapter 2) and I’ll straight way start hunting for the job I really deserve. WISH ME LUCK!!!!!!!

Introduction

2006-09-04T17:04:00.000+10:00

Welcome to my open book.
Hope you'll find that this is a good book to read while you feel like procrastinating...
This is actually the reason why I started writing it at the first place.
Maybe not! The reason why I started writing it is because I always wanted to have a little place where I could write down my crazy thoughts, and I finally decided to leave my neuroses aside (I promise I'm a little bit!!!) and do so.
I hope you enjoy it, and I hope you can share your thoughts with me.
Shall we start???